this post was submitted on 28 Jul 2024
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if the shooting event was more of a freestyle event and had the contestants start with a hearty breakfast of a giant chocolate milkshake with a double espresso shot and then finding a notice of divorce in the mailbox before racing an 1.5 ton SUV through a course with 3 left turns across traffic, then crashing into a playground and spraying indiscriminately into a bunch of foam targets, with points awarded for highest blood pressure, artistic merit, and atavistic groans of slurs through existential pain, america would totally medal in the event every year with it's deep bench of amateur talent.