One of my mistake was asking my religious parents and friends because they just tell me to find god and if you kill yourself he won't take your soul to afterlife and your soul going to just wander around in the world then burn in hell after the apocalypse, how is that supposed to help?

To note not all religious people like this i think they just don't know how to comfort people especially my parents because they're quite alright.

What save me in the end (if you can even call it that) was the fact that i was a coward and don't have enough courage to end it. But because of that i picking up a bad habit of smoking when im alone, it somehow comforting me because it will kill me but just slowly. Would i regret it when I'm older? Probably but at least it keep me alive for now.