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this post was submitted on 17 Sep 2024
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When I saw the title, my first reaction was to talk it out and explain your feelings to her. Once I read the rest, though, I changed my mind.
This is shaming and bullying. Sex is also a huge no-no. A supervisor should know better. HR is probably your best option.
I know that for years it’s been popular to say things like “HR exists to protect the company, not you.” In many cases, that’s still true. However, companies (and society in general) have become more sympathetic to issues like yours. They’d rather discipline people like her than deal with the multimillion dollar settlements that people like her cause.
HR does exist to protect the company, but sometimes that aligns with your needs. In this case, HR is likely more interested in avoiding a sexual harassment case (which would cost the company), so they're probably going to hear you out.
Right, HR is there to protect the company. Your manager is (almost always) not the company. So if the manager is doing something fucky, that's what HR is for.
Exactly. As the mandatory sexual harassment and money laundering trainings have taught me repeatedly, if the company knows about it and doesn't do anything, they're equally liable (and in many cases even if they don't know about it). So stopping inappropriate behavior is in their interest.
One note: document everything brought up to HR. If it is a small HR department, they could very well be friends with the supervisor and take their side. HR does indeed exist to protect the company but it is also made up of people (often extroverted ones). Documenting everything can help you out if there is any sort of retaliation. A threat of a lawsuit is absolutely something that can make a company be very apologetic and much more generous. I have had several friends that made sure they documented everything and were given six months severance when there was a possibility of a lawsuit.