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this post was submitted on 27 Jul 2023
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Sounds like that group needs to have a conversation about being non-monogamous.
It can actually be a pretty awesome way to live for some people.
I have been in 2 polycules and the second one was more a collection of couples that like to trade and share. The first one was just the 3 of us.
Currently single but meh, I'm enjoying it for the time being.
Question, how does one of those end? Curious about the second one in particular. Did you break up with your primary partner then leave? Did the couples vote you off the island? Just curious
Basically I quit drinking for both my physical and mental health and a few of them insisted on wanting to drink around me even though I said that it made staying sober really hard.
One of the key culprits in the insisting on drinking around me was the dude I was dating on the time, but that didn't last more than a couple instances of them getting hammered while I stayed sober.
So I said that I didn't want to be around the ones who insisted on drinking if they continued their shit.
Then the ones that didn't drink around me kept telling me that I was being too harsh on staying sober, and they started insisting that I could drink in moderation.
I said I had tried that in the past and I failed miserably at staying sober.
Then I tried to reach out to them the following weekend and they told me that they had decided that they were going to keep drinking and partying.
So we parted ways.
Honestly it was pretty mutual, though they decided my sobriety was a deal breaker independently of me deciding that their drinking was a deal breaker.
Kinda hurt at first but it didn't take long before I realized that I was happier not around them then around them. So I'd say I came out ahead.
Last I heard the group broke further when a few of them started getting into hard drugs a few months later so I guess I dodged a bullet there.
The first one ended pretty badly and it hurts to talk about in detail to this day. But long story short it ended over the course of 3 days: day one one died, day two I took it poorly and started drinking again, then day three the other one died due to a DUI (they had failed in sobriety as well) then I basically fell full long into alcoholism again.
Jesus, I'm really sorry hearing about the first one. I can't imagine the pain that must've caused you. Good on you for getting over drinking and standing by that decision!
Yeah the first one really hurt that's for sure, I basically went on a mission to be as numb as possible after that.
But I'm 5 years sober now and I couldn't be happier. Being sober really allowed me to address my mental health and my physical health as been on nothing but an upward trajectory since.
I started drinking when I was 12 and this is the longest I've been sober since. I look forward to the day I can say I've been sober longer than I was drinking, just 7 years to go.
Ow, the first relationship's ending sounds really rough, I feel for you :/
Godspeed to your sobriety!
Currently I'm 5 years sober which is the longest I've been sober since I was 12 years old.
Honestly sobriety is pretty great.
It had some rocky moments during the first year but it's only gotten easier with time.
Yeah that first poly relationship ending was also the first time my sobriety failed.
All in all to get to this point in sobriety took 4 tries but it was worth the effort.
Depends on the structure. If there's marriage involved it can kind of end in a train wreck. Sometimes if it's a bunch of solo polyam it's just kind of fades. Depends on who's house it is as well.