I don't mean to imply the use of the "r" word, but are you... like actually cognitively impaired? Do you struggle with linking thoughts together, unironically? Maintaining a train of thought? It's completely fine if you do, no shame at all, but I would appreciate it if you told us if that was the case, because I am genuinely confused at what you think is going on. Knowing wether or not you're struggling with short term memory loss or something would be a great help in furthering this discussion to a positive and productive space or getting you the help you seem to need.