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Cryptobros...
(slrpnk.net)
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That's not true, crypto is also useful for illicit purchases.
It actually isn't, because the blockchain is a multiple ledger system you can trace a coin back to every wallet who ever owned it and therefor it's functionally impossible to launder.
Instead, you can get anonymized credit cards via online services or route money through certain foreign banks and then you're basically a ghost.