Ok wow. That's a takeaway to being told that their is no such thing as perfect or fixed. That's in you for wanting it as an excuse to be worse.

Good on you for abandoning the unwilling. It sounds horrible, but it's a matter of cutting costs before you yourself become an emotional burden on others. That's what I wanted to show.

No, I don't think of it as a failure to provide assistance I think we choose the burdens we are ok with and you don't have to aim to fix everything. We can't fix dyslexia or genetic disorders, and we don't just demand they figure it out to change nothing.

I have no idea how that matters in the context of a wife filing for divorce and breaking down crying when it's accepted. Sounds like the husband did everything perfectly in your opinion.

And it's not so easy to just pick to be better and yes she has to do things herself. We all do.

It's 100% on her. No wiggle room, no "things" or parts of it. She is the only one with access to her head, meaning people around can help, but never steer. And if she won't then she will have to find someone willing to put up with her problems. And even that relationship gets thrown out the window the moment she asks for a divorce.

It it's not over or even done when they decide to get better.

Yes, it's an incredible amount of work that not a lot of people even begin to tackle. There are even "therapists" that tell people that everything will be fine, that all other people are the problem. This is a problem in itself, which is why it's 100% on the wife to get better. Bad help is not an excuse to be a dick.

And it is still on the rest of us to accept the burden of their issues to make life safe for them as well.

Then do you it. Why would you make that decision for the husband? Or the wife?

I point out that you give love first. You accept that people are broken and you love them anyways.

And then they tell you they don't want you in their life anymore. Like the wife did in this story. Would you be the creep that sits by the street lantern watching her every move? Or would you honor her wishes?

I don't want vapid relationships that only go surface level so that they can never burden me.

Seems like a good call. I'm trying to do the same. This still doesn't make me responsible for someone's mental health. It does make me inclined to help when I can, but only to the point where they tell me to get the fuck out of their life.