I wouldn't want to stay married to anyone who would play these kinds of mind games.
To be fair, it doesn't have to be mind games, she could have been in a bad place and somehow figured out for herself that the best thing to do was to end the relationship, but realised that she was wrong. There are people who genuinely believe that they can make other peoples lives better by leaving them (a kind of "you would do better without me, I'm only pulling you down" mentality), that could do something like this not to manipulate the other person, but because they actually care about them, but are in a bad place themselves.
What a sad situation. I know a lot of people here think this is abuse and I can see their perspective, but I see this more as a relationship lacking communication. The wife didn't feel assured that her husband loved her anymore and the divorce papers were a last ditch effort to see if he still does. Sure, just talking openly would be better, but goddamn is it hard to find people who can do that.
I think the fact that she broke down and tore up the papers immediately after is a sign that she really didn't want to do it and was reacting to his genuine reply.
I think OOP needs couple's therapy.
object original poster
Object oriented posting
are you and the 93 people who upvoted you crazy??
lmfao in what fucking world is serving divorce papers and then tearing them up right after they’re signed not even just a little bit toxic, if not emotionally abusive?
maybe a fucking adam sandler movie but this is real life.
think before you do stupid shit? other people don’t owe you discretion bc you’re an idiot? “uwu but what about the wife’s feeeeelings????” brother man grow tf up this isn’t a high school fling it’s a marriage. if you wanted to pull shit like this, why did you change it from girlfriend/boyfriend to husband/wife? was that about feelings too?
oop shouldve ran when they had the chance and the papers were signed.
sorry as someone who grew up as a child caught between this stupid shit people like you piss me off so much. this is traumatic for all involved.
maybe a fucking adam sandler movie but this is real life
In all fairness, that looks like 4chan, so maybe we should lower our expectations here a bit more. I'm sorry you had to go through all that crap growing up. I hope you are in a better situation now.
i’m responding to this one comment but more generally to the sentiment:
i know this is just a green text
however, it still pisses me off. that’s the written word for ya, huh?
i think you’re one of the people who kind of gets that tho, it’s why im responding here.
the well wishes mean a lot, but, i don’t know if you’re ever truly in a better spot after that.
all we can do is make it better for the next guy. i used to think suicide was the answer. i realized if i was willing to hurt myself i should be willing to help.
token “im an atheist,” but i really think it doesn’t matter what you think. things are right for inherent reasons beyond us. only so many ways to cut a cake and all
I like this empathetic take.
Emotional abuse detected.
I mentioned it in another comment, but I'll repeat it here: This doesn't necessarily have to be emotional abuse. It can well be a result of the wife being in a bad place, having little self-worth, and convincing herself that anon would be better off without her. Perhaps anon's response caused her to re-think and reconsider, hence the subsequent breakdown.
It is emotional abuse. Just like it's still assault if a veteran with night terrors gets a adrenaline rush while waking up at night and beating the wife sleeping next to him in his confusion. It is not intended, but the damage is done. And it's done by the veteran; or the wife in the OP.
The emotional abuse may be coming from a deep emotional wound, but it's on her to fix it. She gets to keep her shards, or attempt to fix herself. By choosing to not work on herself she effectively chooses to burden the people around her. And they have no obligation to keep her around.
We all burden each other with stuff constantly. It's on her to fix it but fixing yourself is impossible tlsince their is no template for what fixed looks like.
It's also on the husband as much as it is the rest of us to see what level of burden we are willing to take on for those we care about. That's humanity.
I would leave Lemmy if it weren't for sane, rational people like you who have empathy and don't just jump to the most damning conclusions without any insight into the situation.
This is fiction.
It takes a lot more than 3 days to finalize terms of the divorce. It usually takes longer than that just to get both of your lawyers to look over and approve it.
Even if these two people are both lawyers, and decided to represent themselves, you’d need a notary present when you’re signing.
Isn't everything on anon just fiction?
Probably, but this is lazy fiction. How long does it take to search “how long does a divorce take?”
Fully agree it's a fiction, but couldn't she have had the papers prepared weeks ahead?
> lack personal communication skills with wife
> casually post deeply personal and emotional stories on 4chan behind veils of text and anonymity
> oh shit am I neurodivergent and undiagnosed because I've never talked with a therapist
"The bond is broken, I said!" You can't unspeak the words.
He should have declared it instead of just speaking.
So... if anon took those papers and just taped them back together, would they still be legally binding if submitted?
Would this depend on the jurisdiction/country? I've never thought seriously about whether tearing up signed legal documents constitutes a refutation after they're signed. (a pile of torn-up papers doesn't carry any proof of which, either or both, parties agreed to the tearing-up). And thankfully never been in a situation where this question would arise. Also assuming 'tearing up' wasn't enough to prevent taping them back into a mostly-complete state.
I believe filling out the divorce paperwork doesn't actually make it happen, it's just an application for divorce.
It has to be filed with the court and a hearing held to make sure it's all good and then the judge does the thing and you're divorced.
Mostly this is a rubber-stamping type situation, and the judge mostly makes sure that asset division is done fairly and any children are cared for.
If no one has objections, the money is simple and everyone agrees, and there's no children the whole thing is relatively simple.
So filling out or destroying the paperwork doesn't actually do anything.
Talking of course would have been better, but I have a sneaky suspicion that this was not the first time she brought it up. I think the first one, he didn't "care," and she thought making it seem more serious would prompt some action. I think she was hoping it would be a catalyst for talking/change and not just, "Well, it's been swell." Like, ma'am, he doesn't care. You told this man you fell out of love with him and he didn't seem to care. Then you present him with divorce papers and he signs them willingly, as well as saying that the bond is broken. You ran out crying because he's said very clearly that he doesn't care, doesn't want to "fight" for you, and did not react at all from the first time you brought it up until you gave him the papers. No "Oh my god, are you serious?" or "Can we talk?," hell, he didn't even bring up his own grievances. So now you take a nap on the couch, debating on uprooting your life for someone who at least seems vaguely interested in you, or staying with someone who is seemingly indifferent to you and your grivenances as he's like "lol, women are so weird" on the internet.
Again, not saying her actions were the most rational, but humans aren't always rational. Sometimes our emotions get the best of us and we just want to know that our presence matters, and that sometimes leads us to make mistakes. Sad for them both.
"I don't understand women."
Whenever someone has an issue with an SO, then extrapolates that to all women... that's a red flag to me that this guy has a lot more misogynistic views just outside the frame of view.
It is unfortunately common. Pretty much all of the guys I know IRL complain about their SOs with "Pft. Women, right?" And I'm sitting here like... No? Maybe that's just your SO? Or just your SO when they're with you?
What if they don't understand all women? Why do you extrapolate your personal experience to all people... That's a red flag to me.
This presupposes that men and women are fundamentally and irreconcilably different. I just don't think that's true, based on both my experiences and the psychological data I've reviewed throughout my life.
It is unfortunately common. Pretty much all of the guys I know IRL base their conclusions on experiences and the psychological data they’ve reviewed throughout their lives. And I’m sitting here like… No? Maybe that’s just your limited psychological data? Or just your subjective experiences?
Women aren't even real, calm down.
How could I possibly calm down? Who am I married to then? Fuck!
(That was me joining the joke for anybody who might not get that otherwise.)
Women and men do have a different way of thinking the majority of the time. It's about learning to cope with and deal with the other one's feeling. If you want a woman, you have to be willing to deal with woman moments. If you want a man, you have to be willing to deal with man moments. Simple. Relationships cannot be perfect.
As an AMAB who is vaguely uncomfortable enough with the gender binary to use he/they pronouns but still presents masc in every context — I have met many people of all and no genders who think so completely differently to me it'd be better to use zodiac signs than gender markers to divide personalities (and no I don't think astrology is real).
And this case like most relationship issues comes down to insecurities and bad/non-existent communication. To which, let's face it, male socialization is a major contributor.
With stoicism and a fear of vulnerability, we're far too often standing standing in our own way.
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