[Migrated, see pinned post] Casual Conversation

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Why am I the only one who doesn't vent their bad day on others? (lemm.ee)

submitted 4 months ago by peregrin5@lemm.ee to c/casualconversation@lemm.ee

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I feel like I've dealt with some utterly uncalled for behavior from people at work recently. Like them blowing up at me about something if I'm just asking a polite question, etc.

I just tell myself "maybe they're having a bad day".

But I think about myself. I have bad days too. I never let it get to the point where I'm exploding at someone. I extricate myself from the situation, maybe fume about it privately, but I don't go on a rampage or yell at someone. In any rare case where I do end up letting a bit slip out I always apologize for it.

These people NEVER apologize to me for their outbursts. Why am I the only one walking on eggshells and trying to maintain professionalism, politeness, and kindess with people who seem to make no effort to regulate their own stress.

Someone having a bad day isn't an excuse to be bad human being with zero consequences. But it seems these people can get away with it because of how much power they hold in the company.

I honestly don't think I have it in me to as rude as some of these people so I'll probably just swallow their rudeness until the next time it happens while continuing to try to be kind and polite.

Have others had similar experiences?

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[–] Opinionhaver@feddit.uk 1 points 4 months ago (2 children)

I think one of the most informative features of one's personality is how they handle setbacks. Nobody's perfect but I think an adult should be able to control the expression of their emotions. Something like getting angry at a game and screaming at it let alone throwing the controller is a huge red flag for me. I can't think of a situation where letting anger take control of you has ever produced a better outcome compared to staying calm unless you're literally in a fight.

I don't know if it's my experience with meditation or what but I see anger as such a powerful emotion that it pretty much cannot sneak up on me. The first moment something anger inducing happens to me it's like an alarm that goes off inside my head telling me to play close attention to how I'm going to react. Something like annoyance on the other hand is much more sneaky and has significantly higher chance of poisoning my mind before I detect it.

[–] pankkake@lemmy.world 1 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Anger can have its place in our lives IMO; it helps you discern things that aren't OK.

For instance, if your boss tells you to do some shitty work, you might get angry since you might not want to do it. Now it shouldn't be full Hulk mode anger, but a bit of anger may help you set your sights on what you really want for yourself.

Again, not full-blown anger, just a lil bit of it, when well managed, can help you out.

[–] Opinionhaver@feddit.uk 2 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

I wasn't talking about feeling angry but rather how one expresses that feeling. Swearing, raising one's voice, hitting and throwing stuff are things people do on top of being angry. It's the behavior I critizise, not the emotion.