I'm cold and confused

His name is Greg.

If you are making a cake, after baking the sponge layers and letting the cool down, maybe not leave them where the dogs can reach them when you leave the kitchen.

Nothing that a bit more buttercream can’t fix, mind.

Because obviously red squirrels are still squirrels, but there's just far less of them. Don't think people would mind the occasional squirrel raid as long as they knew there was only going to be one of them for the entire neighbourhood. Alas.

Instead we dip into the UK's defense budget to engineer elaborste cages which leave karger birds hungry just to give a big middle finger to the grey bouncy buggers.

Bonus picture:

Don't know if/how this one got out again, it just came up when i searched for visual examples. Goes to show that we're never really safe. They can even get into our homes!

A university student has been crowned UK pun champion after serving up gags about King Henry VIII and takeaway pizza at the Leicester Comedy Festival.

Adam Ernest Pickard beat seven other comedians in the jokey battle royale at De Montfort Hall on Monday to claim the 2026 title.

Pickard got the audience laughing with his wisecrack: "The song Greensleeves was composed by Henry VIII. I'd play some of it here, but it's not royalty-free."

He also quipped: "I've compiled everyone who works at my local takeaway pizza place into a book. It's my Domino's Who's Who."

Another gag went: "Only women can use the herbal dumbbells. Thyme weights for no man."

I have a standing order with them, but half the time I don't know whether I owe them money or if they're overcharging or anything

One of those days when I look at the general state of affairs.

Don't mind me

Curious how we're viewed across the water these days. Obviously our lot did a wee bit of terrorism over there a while back, but sure it's all Semtex under the bridge now 👀

I like the English. Nicest people I've ever met, in fact. Obviously excluding Stephen Yaxley-Lennon and similar moonfruits, but we've plenty of similar dick-knuckles over here, can't be helped. But yeah, great people and a gorgeous country. Ireland gets a lot of press for its scenery, but I don't think it compares to some parts of England. For one, we don't have any giant drawings of fellas with massive willies on our hillsides! Certainly none that are protected by World Heritage Sites. We have the Giant's Causeway, a place so fascinating and amazing that I've never bothered my arse to go there in 40-odd years of life even though it's only a 30-minute drive from where I live 😴

If you hate us and want rid of us, I couldn't agree more. I hate us too. So don't worry about hurting my feelings, have at it!