When I'm lyin' in my bed at night
I don't wanna grow up
Nothin' ever seems to turn out right
I don't wanna grow up
How do you move in a world of fog
That's always changing things
Makes me wish that I could be a dog
When I see the price that you pay
I don't wanna grow up
I don't ever wanna be that way
I don't wanna grow up
Seems like folks turn into things
That they'd never want
The only thing to live for
Is today...
I'm gonna put a hole in my TV set
I don't wanna grow up
Open up the medicine chest
And I don't wanna grow up
I don't wanna have to shout it out
I don't want my hair to fall out
I don't wanna be filled with doubt
I don't wanna be a good boy scout
I don't wanna have to learn to count
I don't wanna have the biggest amount
I don't wanna grow up
Well when I see my parents fight
I don't wanna grow up
They all go out and drinking all night. And I don't wanna grow up
I'd rather stay here in my room
Nothin' out there but sad and gloom
I don't wanna live in a big old Tomb
On Grand Street
When I see the 5 o'clock news
I don't wanna grow up
Comb their hair and shine their shoes
I don't wanna grow up
Stay around in my old hometown
I don't wanna put no money down
I don't wanna get me a big old loan
Work them fingers to the bone
I don't wanna float a broom
Fall in love and get married then boom
How the hell did I get here so soon
I don't wanna grow up
- Tom Waits
This song came out the year before i hit highschool. Ive listen to TW off and on, he was a little out there for me during my teens but this song has always resonated with me.
Now, i am grown up. Im 46. I have children who are the age i was when this song came out. I have this overwhelming feeling like this is it. I have a home, and loans, and kids, and a medicine chest. Im floating the broom. Feeling like ive lost my way.
How the hell did i get here so soon?
Shit is hitting really hard this morning. Bricks on my chest. Anyway.
It really does.
Memory time: I remember a moment, well over a decade ago now, when I was with my grandma who was well over 80 at the time (rip) and she started talking about how fleeting life really is and how she feels no different on the inside from how she felt as a 15 year old. And that she isn't at all ready to die or found some sort of peace with how fast life went by. The body just ages from around you, but the kid that would like to run and jump is still right there wondering wtf happened.
This moment really stuck with me and feels more true each day that passes. Time also goes by faster each year. It's kind of terrifying.
rest in peace Grandma.
I empathize with how she thought. I get into moods occasionally where i think like that too. The mind is willing but the body unable.