??????

I've broken my phone, scuffed up just about all of my devices, punched several holes in my bedroom wall, scratched my glasses, torn my favorite clothes, destroyed my favorite accessories, spilled several perfumes and skincare products, broken my favorite figurines, ripped my favorite posters, scraped up my legs and arms, and scratched up my face.

I'm in so much pain but I'm just so angry that I can barely feel it. My hands are bleeding and are so sore that holding stuff is hard, I keep dropping things now. I'm shaking with anger every day. Anger that I'm finally experiencing today for things that happened years ago. I couldn't express anything then, I'd just shut down and let it happen. Now I'm ruining my life over things caused by people who forgot who I was. One of my worst abusers found it funny and told me she'd take pictures of the institution and show them to me later on in life. Because she knew I was traumatized there and it was funny.

I really can't take it anymore. Everything hurts, I can't vent about it, and destroying my belongings and harming myself solves nothing but cause more pain. But I can't stop destroying stuff. I can't stop hurting myself. I'm just going to destroy everything I own until I have no clothes to wear to work, and make myself uglier than I am with bruises and scars, and whatever happens after then happens if it does.