this is the first year my friends and mother neglected to get me a gift or anything of value. usually, i'd be given some money or something useful. occasionally, a friend would buy me a Steam game off my Wishlist. i had never come to expect this and told those buying me things that it was unnecessary and that i loved them regardless. my friends have supported me in many ways throughout my life. i truly owe them a lot and would never ask for more or hold this behavior to them every year.
however, i guess part of me came to appreciate their repeated kindness on my birthday over the years, because as the evening of my birthday approached i noticed other than a "happy birthday" or two i hadn't received much attention at all. nobody gave anything.
damn. huh. well, we're all in difficult spots financially. ..but one of my friends is literally in his best paying job ever and has a decent savings account. i shouldn't read into it. even if the reason was simply "eh i just didn't want to," i am okay with that of course, but it does sting a little. it makes me feel old and dehumanized. i am 36. who cares about the feelings of a 36 year old? who gets a gift for a 36 year old? who celebrates a 36th birthday?
i'm having a bit of existential dread, i think.
Sorry to hear you're feeling down about this. It's understandable, but it seems like you might be reading too much into it and getting yourself more down, too. You say "who cares about the feelings of a 36 year old" for example which is your mind jumping to a conclusion you have no evidence for. In fact you have contrary evidence because people did send you birthday messages at least. My advice would be to do something for yourself if you can. If having your friends involved in your birthday is important to you though you might have to make that happen by organising something with them.
Anyway, it just sucks that you felt kinda bummed out on your birthday. Hope you feel better and you can find a way to celebrate and appreciate yourself.
i appreciate the kindness and advice. i'm doing alright, just a little down with the heaviness of aging. it's a personal anxiety for me; something i am attempting to work through professionally. my friends and i typically get each other stuff on occasion is all that really caused this. this is the first year all of that was absent. i will be alright in the long term.
Aging sucks for sure. I'm slightly ahead of you there and my personal cope has been to try and become the fittest I have ever been by the time I hit 40. Having a goal like that helped me keep the existential dread somewhat at bay. It's good that you're finding your own way to work through it. Good luck to you, friend.
hah, i am accomplishing something similar! i’ve lost 115 lbs and am moving ahead day by day. i hope some time in my late 30s i start feeling more comfortable than ever before. maybe my 40s will be my decade.