this is the first year my friends and mother neglected to get me a gift or anything of value. usually, i'd be given some money or something useful. occasionally, a friend would buy me a Steam game off my Wishlist. i had never come to expect this and told those buying me things that it was unnecessary and that i loved them regardless. my friends have supported me in many ways throughout my life. i truly owe them a lot and would never ask for more or hold this behavior to them every year.
however, i guess part of me came to appreciate their repeated kindness on my birthday over the years, because as the evening of my birthday approached i noticed other than a "happy birthday" or two i hadn't received much attention at all. nobody gave anything.
damn. huh. well, we're all in difficult spots financially. ..but one of my friends is literally in his best paying job ever and has a decent savings account. i shouldn't read into it. even if the reason was simply "eh i just didn't want to," i am okay with that of course, but it does sting a little. it makes me feel old and dehumanized. i am 36. who cares about the feelings of a 36 year old? who gets a gift for a 36 year old? who celebrates a 36th birthday?
i'm having a bit of existential dread, i think.
Personally, I don't always buy a friend a gift for their birthday. I generally only buy gifts when I find one that is something that I know would be special to the person receiving it. I usually happen upon gift ideas and don't specifically seek them out. I feel like my friends sort of do the same.
As for having a gathering or a party, I've found that as you get into your 30s and beyond you kind of have to initiate it some yourself or if you're like me and get anxiety from trying to plan my own birthday party you could ask a friend to help out with the planning.
Anyways, happy belated birthday!
aw thank you!