this is the first year my friends and mother neglected to get me a gift or anything of value. usually, i'd be given some money or something useful. occasionally, a friend would buy me a Steam game off my Wishlist. i had never come to expect this and told those buying me things that it was unnecessary and that i loved them regardless. my friends have supported me in many ways throughout my life. i truly owe them a lot and would never ask for more or hold this behavior to them every year.
however, i guess part of me came to appreciate their repeated kindness on my birthday over the years, because as the evening of my birthday approached i noticed other than a "happy birthday" or two i hadn't received much attention at all. nobody gave anything.
damn. huh. well, we're all in difficult spots financially. ..but one of my friends is literally in his best paying job ever and has a decent savings account. i shouldn't read into it. even if the reason was simply "eh i just didn't want to," i am okay with that of course, but it does sting a little. it makes me feel old and dehumanized. i am 36. who cares about the feelings of a 36 year old? who gets a gift for a 36 year old? who celebrates a 36th birthday?
i'm having a bit of existential dread, i think.
First, happy belated birthday. I hope it still managed to be a positive overall.
Secondly, kudos to you for your self-awareness. Most people would be unable to admit their unexpected attachment to the trappings of a birthday and would just chalk it up to people not caring.
To your point, I think it's born of two main things. First, as people get older, those around us outside of the immediate family tend to retire the gift-giving on birthdays. Perhaps they don't celebrate their own any longer and it fans out to those in their circle or maybe they just don't think a gift is necessary as we continue aging.
I think the second cause might be that as we get older, we keep adding people to our circle of friends and at some point, it just seems larger than we can manage in regards to gift giving to everyone that deserves it. Couple that with being told by you that gifts weren't necessary, It seems a logical conclusion to come to.
All that being said, unless our friend or family has specifically said they didn't like to celebrate it, we should all make a big deal of someone's big day.
thank you. the kindness shown here has made my 36th not feel so lonely. i value all the participation.
i think it’s sad we expect adults to give up habits and behaviors for simply reaching an age. i don’t want that put on me or expected of me, but i also don’t want to stick out so much socially.
maybe it’s worth making more big deals to increase that feeling of inclusivity.