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Relationship Advice

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Am I just waiting for a "break-up" text now? (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
submitted 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) by latenightnoir@lemmy.blahaj.zone to c/relationship_advice@lemmy.world
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Edit: to clarify what I've noticed is a point of contention, by "break-up" I don't mean I believe we're together, or expecting this to follow romantic relational patterns, or anything of the sort, I was referring to a general concept of "this is over," meaning any level of interaction. Nor am I waiting for a confirmation of anything developing from her. I genuinely just wanted to get closure and confirm the ghost.

Me again... and, yes, this is a continuation of this and this.

TL;DR: first crush and best friend in high-school reached out after 20 years of not talking, I fell in love with her again, she gave me mixed messages when I tried backing off, and then everything turned ugly when she thought I was pressuring her into defining a relationship by asking her once if she still wanted to chat. Had a brief argument around reading comprehension and semantics, then she vanished mid-conversation for two weeks.

Now that we're caught up, I sent her a text on Saturday, trying to tie up all loose ends. Basically, I wanted to confirm the ghost, see if she really just decided to not deal with this, or if something else happened. Sent her the message, waited for about 6-7 hours, then sent a "Hint taken, have a good'un" (not verbatim).

She then replied saying she started having side-effects from recent medication and felt she didn't have the mental space to handle more than one thing at a time. She concluded with "but I did not mean it to end in silence." Didn't probe any further, told her to drop a line when she feels like it, that there's no pressure now as there was none before.

After sleeping on it for the rest of the weekend, I now feel like I'm just waiting for a "break-up" text. In which case, I'd honestly just rather end it now and spare myself the indeterminate amount of time I'll have to spend in expectation of her message, but i don't want to do anything rash because I know I'm not even close to thinking straight now.

I, again, ask and thank you for any insight. I wish this'd just end already, I swear, I feel that I just need a clear conclusion right now...

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[–] latenightnoir@lemmy.blahaj.zone -1 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

I understand why you'd say that in that context, but I insist that I did not pressure her into anything.

Yes, I am not dealing well with this, because the entire thing felt off from the start. I actually wanted to back off entirely when I realised what was happening with me, precisely because I didn't want to do one-sided stuff anymore.

The only things she got from me were honesty and transparency. I didn't impose myself on her, I didn't bug her, I didn't even initiate conversations most of the time, I've let her define the rhythm of everything, and get as many details as she felt she wanted through asking questions.

The only time I asked her to define anything was during our last convesation, when I could tell things were getting way tenser than the subject matter would imply, and I simply asked her if she still wanted to chat - I did not make reference to defining anything romantic, I did not ask repeatedly (once, then apologised and wished her good night), she doesn't even know the full extent of my destabilisation because I considered it to not be her problem.

So, while I appreciate your insight, I vehemently disagree that it would apply in this scenario. I'm sorry, just not the case.

Edit: and I'm sorry if I sound selfish, but I didn't ask for any of this. She reached out, she gave me mixed messages, she vanished. I was minding my own business before this, and would have continued to do so for the foreseeable future. Yeah, I've reached a point where this shit is so messy, that I feel the need to start protecting myself from it.

Edit 2: and because I can't let it rest, the only time she mentioned anything about what she wanted from me was after the second time I decided to back off, when she threw it in my face.