Asexual

Hi there, I hope its okay I post here, Im in some dire need of advice. My therapist is legit out of the country for the next week, and I dont know.

So, Ive got a partner. We're in a straight relationship for 6.5 years now. I think my partner is ace, well, specifically I saw the term greysexual about a week ago and I cannot get it out of my head.

Im going to be really truthful here, Ill try and stay vauge but thats hard for me.

When My partner and I first got together he was sober about 6mos, we were still in our late 20s and I had no idea what it meant for him to be sober. We had been together about a month and were just making out on my couch at my place. I signaled to go to my room, and he stopped me, "I cant". I respected that and we just hung out a bit more and he went home, I chalked it up to anxiety, actually blamed myself for idk not being able to make him comfortable. Anyway, two weeks later, he, well, started having beers and we made love the first time after he had a couple beers.

the next two years we were really sexually active, but his drinking just got worse to the point of a problem. I left him for a almost a year while he got his shit together. He did all the right things and Im super proud of him. He has now 4.5 years sober. Really awesome, this man is the love of my life and best friend.

The first few years of his sobriety, sex slowed down.. nearly to a halt. Like, 2-3 times a year halt. Compliments and attention dropped too, He called me beautiful all of once since getting sober. I figued this was due to his new sobriety and all the meds he was on and figuring out his mental health. I was patient, supportive and didnt complain. I really missed being desired but put my needs/wants cuz I guess its more a want, on the back burner. Some time in year three I did bring up the lack of intamacy, and tried to, as nicely as I could, ask if he knew what asexuality was.

to mention, and I dont remember the timeline, but one time I was hitting on him and he told me I was "being rapey". I backed off immediately, and apologized as that certainly wasnt my intention. I was just generally hitting on him, I didnt even touch him, I just like, complimented his uh, junk.. but I backed off. Another time he said to me verbatiem he found all genitals disgusting.

so back to me asking him about asexuality, he got SO angry at me for suggesting it. Like so mad, he slept with me that night. But we went right back to our old ways, and never talked about it again. He has a diagnosis for anxiety disorder and I will say, it can get pretty hard for both him and me at times. I also think hes a bit more nerodivergent then we thought. But, saying this will upset him.

So now, finding the term greysexual, I.. its been the longest dry spell of my life and I just .. I wish he could at least explore the idea so I could just simply learn to cope. I will never leave him, I love him, he's so good to me. I'll take a dead bedroom to stay with my best friend, but... it really bothers me he wont explore the idea at all. Id like to name it, Id like him to explore the idea. I thought maybe it was anxiety related, but since finding that term..

yall, this man thinks something wrong with him. I thought for a time it was me.. but now I dont go down this road because I know it is not. It breaks my heart he thinks this is a flaw, and idk, maybe of he could explore the idea he wouldnt feel so.. broken? Hes not broken, he is just a human. I do get moody sometimes about it and I try to cope and not let the feeling fester, but I know he knows.

We spoke last on it about a month ago, he caught me in a mood and asked "yo whats your problem rn, you look like somethings bothering you, you good?" and I snapped. I said, "yeah I havnt had sex in six month fucking forgive me" and stormed out to my own space.

we talked a little after, he said he recognized the "problem" and that . ugh.. and that hes brought it up to his doctor but his doctor waives it off. He said he just doesnt feel the attraction at all if ever. Once in a while but its not somethinh he thinks about.

folks, I dont think its a medical issue.

I guess my main questions are, how should I approach this? should I try and gently push him looking into what greysexual/asexual is? Should I continue to just, assume he is greysexual and cope with it outside of our like, shared supports? It would be much easier on me.. (for just context I am hypersexual and always have been, it literally, in my wost moments, feels like ive been cosmically punished.. but thats just my worst moments, and I quickly move on).. but if he could just be like, yes, I fit into this umbrella, It would be so much easier for us to cope together. But as it stands I just feel ugly and terrible, and he feels broken, despite me saying hes not, and him saying im not ugly or terrible.

Idk, im pretty beaten up this week about this, and I appreciate any feedback or resources. I just want him to feel supported. Id like to feel supported and not like a monster for wanted sex. he does sometimes make me feel like I am a creep, so Ive stopped initiating all together.

I just, after 4.5 years I dont think its a dry spell, I dont think its anxiety, I think he already said it "I just dont think about it often, if at all". And, I just want him to feel supported and not broken. This feels like denile. :(