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Discussion: when to talk to daughter about street harassment, etc (piefed.world)

submitted 4 days ago* (last edited 1 day ago) by brainzzz@piefed.world to c/womensstuff@piefed.blahaj.zone

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At what age would you have that talk with your daughter so she's not surprised by street harassment and treatment by men around her body? And any comments or insights on how would be good too.

UPDATE
Thanks everyone for your comments and insights. I had a little chat with her before she went out today. I used some of your words like "if someone makes you feel unsafe then they are not safe to be around". I advised her to ignore and move on and if necessary seek the safety of the nearest woman, they are just likely to understand if you say you don't feel safe even if you don't know why.

Really appreciate you all here, thanks for helping.

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[–] lonefighter@sh.itjust.works 10 points 4 days ago (1 children)

If she's old enough to be out on the street alone, then she needs to know the risks and how to stay safe. She doesn't need to know graphic details yet, and you don't need to communicate an attitude of fear, just that people who comment on her body or who are too interested in her are not safe to be around.

I was maybe 8 or 9 hanging out in the road in front of my house with a couple other neighborhood girls when a guy in a car started repeatedly driving back and forth and slowing down. Maybe he was looking for an address or maybe he was creeping on us, but we knew not to stick around and find out, so we vacated ASAP.

I knew by that age to ignore catcalls and at all costs to avoid men who catcalled me or commented on my body. I didn't know exactly why until I was a little older but I knew it wasn't safe and I knew there was physical danger to myself involved.

[–] brainzzz@piefed.world 5 points 4 days ago (1 children)

It's so gross. Ok yeah maybe now is the time.

[–] pbjelly@sh.itjust.works 2 points 3 days ago

Yeah, I’d tack onto to this add that I have had similar experiences around that age. While I never got a parental talk about this specifically, I always had stranger danger drilled into me. The context of what was happening made more sense when I got a little older and seemed to just be an accepted thing that happened among my peers at the time.

It felt really common and not a lot could be done about it as a kid and joking about the creepy old man on the bus or street was really all we could do.

Granted, I am from a large city which has its own risks, but I imagine a familiar, trusting small town has its own flavor of problems. The most important part is your kid feeling comfortable talking to you, having the support needed to emotionally process the events when they occur, and being unafraid to speak up if they have to.

Good luck.