this post was submitted on 30 Jun 2026
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I understand needing reassurance sometimes, but constant self-deprecation can be exhausting. You try to show someone you love them and nothing works, like a black hole sucking in all your efforts. And little by little it wears you down until you do want to date someone else, but it's not about being pretty, it's about peace of mind.
Real. Dumped my ex because her self esteem was fucked. She even got jealous of my cousin when we talked.
Work on yourself..
And I bet that reinforced her low self-esteem. I'll explain what the actual problem is but they don't hear it, they just hear the other reasons that they invented such as "I'm not attractive enough".
They didn’t invent it, it’s just reinforced in society you’re not attractive unless (you spend a lot of money on surgery).
Still exhausting to deal with.
100% this. An ex of mine did this all the time and the first couple times are cute but past that it starts being obnoxious and like you said exhausting. I finally told her when she says stuff like that she's also calling me either stupid for "settling" for her, or a liar by not believing me when I said I wanted to be with her. She stopped for a bit after that but it didn't last long.
I usually say it nicely like “you don’t think I could get a nice and hot boyfriend? Have you met me??” which seems to work most of the time
BPD moment. Mental health issues are bastards of things. I've tried to stop. I have stopped. The issue is the brain is literally trained to be like that--constantly on edge after a whole lifetime of needing to be on edge. I'm literally fighting the very composition of my brain when I force the splitting to turn off, but it doesn't last. I wish it was that easy. The only way that cycle breaks is with therapy and patience.
I'll tell you the other side of it. It's being terrified of being abandoned. It's not knowing if others are being honest, because trusting others has caused trauma in the past. It's believing you're horrible, and contemptible, and unable to change. We need the reassaurence because we don't trust the environment unchanging. Basically, it's a grounding mechanism. Read about hypervigilance.
It's a fucking miserable life I'm glad most people will never have to live. Honestly, we need a PSA about it.