-My Grandma (she watched a tennis match where a RUSSIAN won)

-Cold Spaghetti (brings down the internal body temperature of Americans so they are less protected against his Level 8 Frost Lazer)

-Powerthesaurus.com (makes young American writers insufferable sounding)

-Baby Grand Pianos [oak only] (used to drop comically on beloved American heroes)

-Cocomelon (turning Gen Alpha into goblinoids)

-Your Grandma (she flirted with me on his behest and it made me mildly uncomfortable)

-Talcum Powder (causes mesothelioma and bankrupts patriotic American companies fighting lawsuits)

-Azov Battalion (created the PERFECT excuse for him to rapidly spike military spending)

-9/11 (funny memes that ensued exposed the lack of patriotism in American youth and widened the boomer v zoomer divide)

-The Black Death (arrived in Europe via Poutine Time Machine)

-Bill Maher (unfunniness reduced American lifespans by an average of 6 years)

-Fortnite (reducing American productivity that could be spent making Abrams tanks)

-Abrams tanks (overfunding Abrams tanks causes domestic economic problems in America in an effort to destabilize and cause civil unrest)

-Taco Bell (reduced quality of food over the last decade has been a severe hit to the morale of young Americans everywhere)

-Liberal anti-Russian media (purposefully poor coverage of the Ukraine conflict has embittered Americans to their military industrial complex)

-Ontomontopia (using instead of academic personalizations of words reduces general American IQ and leads Americans down the Old Macdonald Had a Farm --> Cocomelon --> 9/11 radicalization funnel)