this post was submitted on 15 Jul 2026
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Fucken christ can you imagine this guy answering the Trolley Problem?
"Okay so there's a trolley"
"I fuck the trolley!"
"No, wait- so there's a trolley and it's gonna run over either one person or three-"
"Oh! I wait for it to run everyone over and then I fuck their lifeless corpses!"
Since we brought up the trolley problem why isn't the solution ever to pull the lever back and forth so the rails are in a state where it might derail the trolley entirely?
Kill the goddamn trolley, then fuck the trolley, I guess.
The trolley problem is one of those philosophical questions where you're not supposed to actually think about it in the context of a real world situation. Because the obvious solution to the trolley problem is to yell "look out for the speeding trolley, why you standing still in the road you idiot?"
But generally they don't accept that answer.
I'm convinced that one of the main reasons that people don't really like philosophy is because it's full of got you trick questions like that
Well the trolley problem is at its heart a metaphor for the exercise of power and the responsibility of decision makers. It works fine for that.
However as a meme on the internet its always more of a cute 'got you' question which is why its worth murdering the metaphor. And the trolley too. Metaphorically.
This is similar to Michael's solution to it in The Good Place. If you haven't watched it, it's basically a Moral Philosophy course, with hilarious and beautiful examples. Also with giant, flying cocktail shrimp.
I don’t pull the lever so there’s no witnesses.