I just really need to vent. I've typed this whole post out at this point and I've considered not posting it because I feel like it's stupid. Feel free to not respond unless you really really want to for some reason.
I've been having a lot of panic attacks lately. I used to get them a lot as a kid, but I haven't had any in many years until a few months ago. I do have an anxiety disorder diagnosis and take meds but the attacks have been getting more frequent and I'm now at the point where I'm having multiple a day.
When I get them I try laying down for a while, but I never can because my heart is always racing so fast it feels like it's going to explode. I've tried timed breathing which works briefly but then I just start spiraling again. I can hardly sleep at night either because my anxiety is so bad.
I think part of why is that I got a CS bachelor's last year and I've put in a lot of effort trying to find work but the job market's fucked. I've been doing random odd jobs to get just enough to pay my loans. I so badly want to move on with my life but I feel very, very stuck.
Then of course, there's US politics and being transgender and autistic makes me very scared. Yet my parents don't like that I have an escape plan and they keep trying to insist to me that the US is the best country to ever exist and that it would be stupid of me to leave. It's so extremely clear to me that the US sucks and I feel like I'm going crazy living with them sometimes and I can't talk to them about it cause they really just don't get it.
I really see it going in that direction. People with savings can resist and stand up for themselves and others more easily, so I think making us all very poor is their priority.