I'm asking for advice from both trans and cis women.
First off let me explain some for those who don't know much about HRT, trans women don't exactly get 'periods' but still get the monthly hormone cycle. We don't physically have any pain (some uncomfortable stomach cramps but nothing compared to cis periods), but it's pretty much what a cis woman with a removed uterus would go though.
I think I had my first cycle about a month ago and think I'm currently on my 2nd, but I'm not entirely sure. Since I'm also on antidepressants and have ADHD when I miss a couple days of meds (I usually take about 5 of 7 a week on average) my mood fluctuates a lot. I just got really emotional but not exactly sad?
Like yesterday on my drive home I was really attached to the shoes that people hang on electrical wires for some reason and started crying about it. It's just like something that people do and it's really sweet and idk I can't really put it into words.
Last night my emotions were so bad I literally took 2 benadryl and 5 melatonin gummies since I couldn't be left alone with my thoughts but can't sleep with a show on. I also am like really wanting human connection but am too scared to talk to people because of anxiety, I just am alone and struggling. I have really low labido due to my antidepressants and HRT but this doesn't really feel like being horny, I am just like wanting someone to connect with.
rn my emotions are just really crazy and idk what to do about it.
idk does this sound like the emotions ppl normally have on a hormone spike or am I just going crazy?? should I bright it up to my psychiatrist or is it normal? Should I track them to really see if it's on the 30 day cycle or if it's just stress related randomness? Is it always this intense or will I get used to it?
I would really appreciate any sort of guidance or recommendations anybody has
I've just started hrt, I was afab, and I've mostly stayed that way, kinda. But I've hit an age where my hormones have almost entirely run out. I can definitely relate to a lot of what you write, a huge amount of what you feel, I feel too. I am in the process of an adhd diagnosis, and I can't be left alone with my thoughts, either. I have so much anxiety, I'm really struggling to talk to people. For me I think that's because I'm burnt out, I'm running on full speed caring for kids with disabilities with little to no help. I want a week alone, where I don't have to speak to anyone, just one week.
I can definitely relate to the emotions you speak of, I get hit with those feels super hard when I'm pregnant but also, randomly, too, I'll cry at adds on the TV, or random things, I can't cope with hearing about distressing things, because I feel it as if it's happening right now and doesn't stop, or slow for months, sometimes.
I have been working on seeing my emotions as an entity separate to myself that lives with me, and is just trying to communicate with me. Because it kinda is like that, you are the entity that observes, you aren't your thoughts or your emotions. Emotions are like a warning system, similarly to how you put your hand in the shower to test it's hotness levels, your emotions read the environment you're in, and similarly evoke reactions if they're feeling like there's something "too hot" or needs attention in some way. If you feel like your emotions are getting really big and overwhelming, try sitting with them as they come up, sometimes they get really loud if they feel unheard, and sometimes just sitting with them and making them feel heard, acknowledging and validating, goes a long way to helping them be a little more quiet. Don't worry about the why, or the cause, just notice how you feel, that's it. Just sit with it. Breathe in deep focus inwards and say to yourself "I feel " X"". When I get phases of big emotions, I tend to just go with this kinda approach to them. I take it easy and lower my exposure to things that set me off. Because it might be a sweet emotional response, deep feelings for others emotional connections, but it's also evoking cortisol and if you flood your system with too much cortisol, well, it's bad. So I go into lock down with what I can control, at those times. Like I wouldn't watch a very emotional movie, when I'm feeling like that, for a couple of months, or sometimes it's just for that week. You'll figure out your rhythm.
A thing I learned about the racing thoughts is that sometimes it's just habit. Someone said it in a really great way, and I forget what it was, but it made things click for me and silenced the racing thoughts almost immediately. I am on a pathway to find that exact sentence again, because saying "just habit" doesn't encompass the original way I heard it. My brain tends to just summarise everything, and then I forget the original but I don't forget the summary.
I've also heard (and am currently trying out) that you need to have creative outlet for your brain to focus on, or it turns on you and starts picking you apart, because it's essentially locked in a room with nothing else to do, kinda. So you give it outlets of creativity to focus on, rather than you. I'm hopeful that encourages less of my brain hyper analysing everything I do.
I always mean to journal, so I can track all my feelings and thoughts and how the strategies work, but I never remember to. Apparently that helps, but I couldn't tell you, personally, if it does.