this post was submitted on 20 Dec 2025
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[–] paks@feddit.uk 78 points 4 days ago (3 children)

Finances aside, it's still not selfish.

[–] AbsolutelyClawless@piefed.social 50 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

My father would beg to differ. Some of the things I've heard: "who's going to take care of you when you're old", "the ~~undesirable~~ immigrants with 5+ children will take over ~~and ruin Europe~~". He also told me I was being selfish when I was barely 18 for stating I didn't want to have children because carrying a child for 9 months and childbirth terrify me. That shit still terrifies me to this day, on top of all the other reasons why I still don't want to have children.

Also, according to him the feelings a parent has for their child are "unexplainable". That must be why my mom and and his mom were more a part of my childhood than he was!

[–] henfredemars@infosec.pub 39 points 4 days ago (2 children)
[–] nagaram@startrek.website 15 points 4 days ago (1 children)

I argue that both are selfish decisions, but having a kid eventually drags someone else into that didn't consent.

I wrote a blog post about it after I got a vasectomy. I'm not an anti-natalist but I think its a point to consider.

https://thinkstoomuch.net/post/selfishsnips/

[–] HurricaneLiz@lemmy.world 5 points 3 days ago (1 children)

That was a great read, thanks for sharing 💜

Proud owner of a tubal litigation here, no kids. I can't consciously bring one into this world. Took me 15 years after I started asking for one at age 27 for insurance to give me one though. I was finally considered "old enough" to not change my mind about it. Yet another reason under the "this world" stack of reasons.

[–] nagaram@startrek.website 7 points 3 days ago (3 children)

That's a crazy time frame.

I said in September "I would like a vascectomy"

And I got one in December. Insurance covered it. No questions.

Vasectomies aren't reversible either apparently. They took a chunk of tube out of each ball and all I had to say was "Yes I'm sure. No no one is compelling me"

The sexism of the medical field is insane to me.

[–] TheDoozer@lemmy.world 3 points 3 days ago (1 children)

I had to convince my primary care physician for a vasectomy. At almost 40. With two kids. He was on the fence about saying yes or no (and I am a military aviator, so I don't get to have second opinions or choose my doctor). Ultimately he gave his blessing, but it was still a "what the fuck, it's my goddamn decision, I just need you to write the referral."

So it happens to men as well, just not as frequently (or as condescendingly, usually).

[–] nagaram@startrek.website 3 points 3 days ago

I lucked out I think.

I got an APRN first for my referral and she told me one of two doctors will need to sign off on this and one of them is chill about young people getting vasectomies the other would want to see me personally to talk me out of it, but would still do it.

I got the chill guy. He made dick jokes mid ball snipping.

(You're awake during a vasectomy)

Vasectomies aren't reversible either apparently.

That doesn't stop people from claiming that they are unfortunately

[–] HurricaneLiz@lemmy.world 2 points 3 days ago

Thank you, more ppl are realizing that now, I think

[–] BurgerBaron@piefed.social 1 points 3 days ago

Can be? I don't think it's possible to selflessly have children.

[–] TeamAssimilation@infosec.pub 17 points 4 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (2 children)

What’s wrong with being selfish? I didn’t want kids, full-time kids are annoying and a huge responsibility. If someone doesn’t desire children, it’s very much ok to dedicate the energy and resources of raising several kids to themselves.

People are selfish, reproducing doesn’t exempt you from being selfish, people can have kids for selfish reasons too.

I admit sometimes I’ve thought it would have been cool to raise a human from zero, trying to make them a good person, and be a demigod to them on their first years because they didn’t know better; but I still think the world needs less people, not more. Since the 70s we were warned about overpopulation and the environment, and we just added another 4 billion people anyway.

Edit: thank you for the correction, kind stranger.

Keep in mind that the "selfish" bit is just the Boomers projecting. We all know they're the most selfish generation by far, they just don't want to admit it to themselves

[–] Thedogdrinkscoffee@lemmy.ca 6 points 4 days ago (1 children)

1970 world pop was 3.6B. 2025 8.2B

We just added another 4.6B

[–] jali67@lemmy.zip 0 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Largely in the global south who will be migrating to the West en masse

What exactly do those cardinal directions mean on an oblate spheroid?