Dad for a Minute

Hi everyone. I created this community here on Lemmy because I wish to give others what I have never felt: the love and the support of a father.

My father is alive and well, but I've always felt like he was dead. I've never received support, love, or hugs but I instead received disapproval, criticisms, insults and high expectations from him. I remember telling kids in elementary school I had no dad.

I am at an age where this should not affect me. I am an adult with his own life but I am unable to feel indifferent to it. His words (or the lack thereof) still affect me. I want him to be proud of me, at least once in my lifetime, and whenever I try to say something that I think will make him proud, I always leave disappointed telling myself "never try again".

My mother was emotionally unavailable too as she has a schizophrenia diagnosis. I don't know what I am looking for by writing this post, maybe just some nice words.

I still wish to be someone's cherished son. Thank you for reading.

Edit: Thank you to all, really. Your thoughtful comments warm up my heart.