this post was submitted on 31 Dec 2025
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Late Stage Capitalism
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Sure, the IKEA guillotine is cheap, but it'll go dull after only 5-10 elites. The lightweight construction makes it convenient to ship and assemble, but reduces the cutting power. Support your local carpenters and blacksmiths.
The weight of the blade is key. A cheap blade like that won't sever the spine.
True. Buy quality over quantity. I'm not going back to using mass-produced machines. I had to drop the blade four times to get through the spine and arteries of a mostly-spineless CEO. The mouton kept jumping off the rails and prolonging the whole job. By the time the head was free, the blood had drained all over the bascule and we didn't have a clean shearpoint for a solid centerpiece. It involved a lot of post-process work.
I strongly recommend getting a name-brand machine with quality, heavy duty bearings and fasteners.
We all know it's going to take 2 or 3 good chops to get all the way through. Might have to lean on it.
I think you could get someone who would approach it professionally, and after a few runs, they'd get it dialed in, and start dropping right between the vertebrae, for a clean cut. They'd keep the equipment maintained properly, too, sharpened, and oiled, and what not.
Hopefully we're not building for long term durability.