I'm highschool student and computer science maniac. To get into good computer science studies I need to be good at math and I really sucks at math. Even on this easy tests in school for 1 exercise from 5 I have to spend my whole time and because of that I have terrible grades.
I would like to like math and enjoy it, but it's not clear for me at all and boring af. Every minute of time which I spend on learning math sucks. At the same time I can spend whole my day by tinkering and reading about computer science. In computer science everything is clear for me. There's a lot of great documentation, manual pages and resources.
In the case of math the most things which I find on internet are just ads of paid courses preparing for exam or other shit behind a paywalls. Still there's a lot of content from which I can get knowledge but I don't consider them to be exactly what I'm looking for. Maybe I should try resources in English language. At least I have school book for math which is not that bad.
I hate equations because when I'm doing them I ALWAYS make mistakes, I'm getting lost when I have to rewrite numbers multiple times.
I hate these stupid math language and symbols which is saying nothing to me.
I hate my math teacher, because he just don't care and I can't get normal answer for my questions without nastiness.
When I learning something I have these hard moments but then finally I achieve my goal, I'm getting my reward and I'm happy. But when I'm learning math there's no any reward, only punishments and bad grades.
I'm not idiot and I have the best grades in my class expect math where even complete idiots can be better than me.
I was thinking to maybe connect programming with math but I don't know how. I know that for stuff like that Python or R are great but for right now I'm obsessed on C programming.
Sorry if this post is complete nonsense for you (like math for me). I can't speak with sense as I don't understand what is wrong with me or this math. I just wanted to let off steam. I really would like to enjoy math as it seems to be interesting topic. I was interested about it as kid but school completely destroyed my passion.
The biggest problem usually when someone don't want to do something, while they have to. Whenever you are forced to learn, the process will be slow with suffering.
Schools should entice and lead and make you want to learn - but if this is missing, then you are on your own - and that's not good. People don't enjoy doing stuff that they suck at (hence I avoid Elden Ring like a plague).
Unfortunately this is the "being adult" part. When you either keep suffering or try to work on your own attitude. If you can't change the world - then you can change the way you interact with.
And By the title of this post, you are hoping to change it for the better. It will take time but I believe you can learn to love Math.