Mathematics

I'm highschool student and computer science maniac. To get into good computer science studies I need to be good at math and I really sucks at math. Even on this easy tests in school for 1 exercise from 5 I have to spend my whole time and because of that I have terrible grades.

I would like to like math and enjoy it, but it's not clear for me at all and boring af. Every minute of time which I spend on learning math sucks. At the same time I can spend whole my day by tinkering and reading about computer science. In computer science everything is clear for me. There's a lot of great documentation, manual pages and resources.

In the case of math the most things which I find on internet are just ads of paid courses preparing for exam or other shit behind a paywalls. Still there's a lot of content from which I can get knowledge but I don't consider them to be exactly what I'm looking for. Maybe I should try resources in English language. At least I have school book for math which is not that bad.

I hate equations because when I'm doing them I ALWAYS make mistakes, I'm getting lost when I have to rewrite numbers multiple times.

I hate these stupid math language and symbols which is saying nothing to me.

I hate my math teacher, because he just don't care and I can't get normal answer for my questions without nastiness.

When I learning something I have these hard moments but then finally I achieve my goal, I'm getting my reward and I'm happy. But when I'm learning math there's no any reward, only punishments and bad grades.

I'm not idiot and I have the best grades in my class expect math where even complete idiots can be better than me.

I was thinking to maybe connect programming with math but I don't know how. I know that for stuff like that Python or R are great but for right now I'm obsessed on C programming.

Sorry if this post is complete nonsense for you (like math for me). I can't speak with sense as I don't understand what is wrong with me or this math. I just wanted to let off steam. I really would like to enjoy math as it seems to be interesting topic. I was interested about it as kid but school completely destroyed my passion.