I don't know where to communicate this but i feel like i need to, somewhere. This is my unordered, unfiltered thoughts.

What can i do? I feel lonely love-wise. I am a mid 30s hetero cis man in a european city. Tall and good looking, my many friends of all genders say i am a really good guy, always friendly, very heartful and they can't believe i am still single. But to that i must say dating life has been rough most of my life. Pretty sure i am bad at it. But dating itself is just bad. In this game, almost everybody sucks. I get ghosted by 90%. You can never tell which one it is going to be. Could be a stranger or the friend of a friend. Could be the cold one or the one who was flirting hard. I am absolutely clueless.

If i keep trying, I get lucky like 1-2 times a year. But it costs so much energy. I can't carry so many convesations anymore. And even if we smash, after a short time the lonelyness comes back. I mean i am able to go out, talk to people, and all. I am an extrovert too. But i can't always have the good mood that helps a conversation. I just went out and didn't feel right with my emotions and went back home.

It seems to me, that i have a much bigger desire for love, sex, emotions than others. That is the only constant drive of my life.

I'd prefer a long relationship, but most women i meet don't qualify for that.

I admid i have really high standards. She must have some character, something interesting about her, a nice body and must be a non-smoker. And it helps very very much if she shows the slightest interest in me. I don't mind her size, hair color, ethnicity, job, or whatever people seem to keep asking for. Tried dating here and there below those standards but that always went nowhere. One girl was a conservative and as soon as i realized, i was gone immediately. She didnt hate people, but also she didint care about certain problems in the world.

The last time a girl said she was in love with me and wanted to get serious, she said the only way was when i worked really hard for a career to get financially rich. She thought i was poor when i didn't want to pay every time we go out. Too bad cause she was a really good lover when we just stayed home. She said other bullshit things too. Told her thats a hard no and detoxed from her. That was more than a year ago.

I even tried some dating events in the city but they made me feel horrible. Went to those like 8 times or so and ...apologies in advance, the word scrag-end defines it well.

I never tried a prostitue and i don't think i will. What i crave is the part you can't buy with money. Also how will you be able to tell if she really wants to do this job? She may be coerced to do it.

Valentines day comes and i don't even know who to ask out. And i was there last year too. That really hurt.

edit: forgot to say i do get huge crushes on women, where i am sure they could be the one. Like a friend i thought she was perfect. Got to meet here and there and i feel vague interest from her. We event went to the sauna together. But then she fell in love with an other guy and now rarely texts back. Its a good example of how i often can't tell if they like me or if it is just friends stuff. I must be the friends zone guy of the world. I don't even mind the friendzone. I am happy if things turn out well for them. It just happens way too often and then contact fades away and i never know if there ever was a chance i didn't grab or if we never even flirted.

Anyway i digress. I feel lonely and trying to date sometimes makes me aware of it. I can take a break and distract myself with hobbies or work but that costs time and i find myself at the same situation motnh after month, year after year.

And now what?

Thanks for listening to my incoherent crap. I appreciate any help!