[green picks up their phone at night, looking tired]
[green has clicked on their phone, and is now surrounded by blinding light, looking shocked]
[a massive pillar of light escapes the Earth into space]
[green rages, blinded]
this post was submitted on 11 Mar 2026
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"Our Pixel range has a fast easy-to-find fingerprint reader on the back. It's possible to unlock the phone as you're removing it from your pocket without even trying. How can we improve that?"
"How about we hide a slow, unreliable one somewhere under the screen. You can't feel or see where it is. When you do find the right spot, it'll illuminate your finger with the light of a thousand suns. Then, it might unlock the phone, if you're lucky."