this post was submitted on 16 Mar 2026
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Any good selfhosted instant messaging? (lemmy.zip)
submitted 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) by N0cT4rtle@lemmy.zip to c/selfhosted@lemmy.world
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Can you guys suggest some reliable and secure selfhosted IM service? I'm kinda in a very bad spot right now, so any centralized messaging wouldn't really work. And yeah, state sponsored mass surveillance is a question of concern. Sorry for odd phrasing, just really at a loss.

I heard of matrix, XMPP (heard good things about snikket.org), SimpleX and even some IRC wizardry over TOR. And I actually tried matrix (synapse server), but found it not reliable enough - sometimes skips a notification, periodic troubles with logging in, weird lack of voice calls on mobile client, and some other irritating, tiny hiccups. I'm open to any suggestion, really, even open to trying matrix once again. Just, please, describe why you think one option is better than the other.

And just FYI, use case is simply texting with friends and family, while avoiding state monitoring. Nothing nefarious

Update: Thank you, everyone! After some discussions with the lads, we decided to use XMPP (Prosody) as our main server, we also chose to use DeltaChat as a fallback. Both working great for a couple of days now. Again, thank you, everyone, for suggestions (and configs :) ), really helped me out

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[–] lyralycan@sh.itjust.works 1 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Hey, just coming back to see how your setup's going, and to say I've finally managed to get Element Call working for Matrix -- I can help you get it running if you like!

[–] N0cT4rtle@lemmy.zip 1 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Hi, still using Prosody, works great. I'd love to hear how you managed to setup Element Call :) We aren't using matrix rn, but I still wonder why the calls didn't work

[–] lyralycan@sh.itjust.works 1 points 20 hours ago

It was a huge pain and I ended up troubleshooting with Gemini for hours aha! I know, I'll plant a tree to offset my sins. It was at least useful to rapid search solutions and tell me what component was the most likely issue.

I had coturn set up for legacy Element Classic and, before that, XMPP, but as I wasn't using those I decided to shut it down and try using Matrix Livekit's internal TURN server. I'm not sure what actually helped in the end, but Livekit's latest build caused a bug, so I instead pulled v1.9.12. I also shuffled around my reverse proxy config (from my old attempts) because some endpoints seemed to have changed. I'll update later with anonymised config :3