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this post was submitted on 15 Sep 2023
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No Stupid Questions
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No such thing. Ask away!
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Yeah. It was so dramatic I knew it would happen again, and waited for it to catch it in the act.
I'm super smart, but also super lazy. I think I'm lazy because I'm smart. School was super easy for me, so I was always bored. I got poor grades overall because I didn't do the work. I could show up and crush the tests, but felt that homework was a waste of time and never did it. I took AP classes that give college credit, got a weak grade in the class but got 4s and 5s on the AP test. (Out of 5).
Poor grades in highschool meant I couldn't get into college right away. So I took a few years off and just sort of hung out for a bit. Then the click. I decided I wanted to go to college, not just any, but a really good school. So I went to the local junior college and asked the counselor how I could go there next year. He explained that the transfer program is a two year program, but I wanted to go next year. He said I probably won't succeed, but here's a schedule of classes that will get me the two years of credits in one year. 24 units per semester for two semesters. I got straight As. I just did all the work and crushed it. Got into my dream school and studied... philosophy.
Don't get me wrong, it was what I wanted to study. I got a great education, but it didn't set me up for a real job after school, more for grad school, but I felt like I was done with school for a while. I ended bartending and waiting tables for years. It was in this phase that I started thinking about that click. Something in me elevated me to get into my dream school within a year once I decided I wanted to. I found peace in that fact. I knew that despite my toiling, working hard just for rent, making it month by month in the city, that I'd elevate myself again when the time was right. I thought a lot about it. That one year of 48 units and straight As was such a blur, what was it that drove me? I was so confident it would just happen again though that I decided to try to consciously catch it in the act.
Sure enough it happened again. Enrolled in a coding boot camp. One year of absolute blur, crushed it, became a successful software engineer. I failed to notice while it was happening, but did think right after: "fuck that was it, that was the thing, I was right, it did happen again!"
Turns out I'm bipolar and was just making the most of my manic upswings.