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this post was submitted on 20 Sep 2023
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Showerthoughts
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In Germany, English muffins are pre-sliced 90% of the way.
That said: Fresh cut bread tastes better anyway.
I don’t want my English muffins sliced at all, personally, and I agree about freshly sliced bread…
…but…
In the US, pre-sliced bagels are the worst. They’re the fucking worst! In a package of 6 bagels, at least 4 will not be sliced in the middle, so you get one “half” with 75% of the bagel, and the other “half” just disintegrates. Of the ones that are sliced in the middle, they leave a line of uncut area for godknowswhy and trying to tear it apart usually fucks up one of the halves.
One shouldn’t have to pull out a sharp knife to open a pre-sliced bagel!
And don’t even get me started on toasters with a bagel function…
You don't "open" a bagel like a pop can, that's why they're ripping.
You "twist" it like a bottle, and it should split evenly 99% of the time.
The middle being connected is so you don't just have a bag of bagel halves.
I get that, but it’s executed poorly. If only 20-30% of the time they’re cut properly to do the twist move, it’s still a failure. I’d rather have a bag of disconnected bagel halves or have to cut them myself than the BS currently available in my local market.
I mean, I honestly can't remember buying bagels at the store and ever having one that isn't connected still.
Not that I eat a crazy amount of bagels tho.
You need a bagel stabber like this one Just insert bagel and stab, no more worries. Oh and buy real bakery bagels not grocery store ones.
This is because they know if you are buying a bag of pre-sliced bagels you don’t care about quality and they figure they can just phone it in.
In much of the USA, bags of pre-sliced bagels are the only kind available. If you are not in a large urban center, that is all you likely have access to.
I’m gonna have to disagree with you on that one, bud.
I have been to places where the only reasonably close food is a piggly wiggly or a dollar general and that’s it, but most towns over ~35,000 people have some sort of grocery store with a bakery department. The vast majority of the US population lives less than 20 minutes drive from such a town.
I’d also argue that if you don’t live near a decent grocery store you have likely accepted a lack of amenities and would make your own bagels if that’s something you really cared about.
Wait, what's wrong with toasters that have a bagel function? It's way better than toasters that don't. Only toasting the open faced side of the bagel means you are still able to touch the outside without burning your fingers while the inside is actually toasted enough to be crispy. Without the bagel setting on a toaster, the only other option you have is a toaster oven or doing it by stove top. Toaster is way more convenient than either of those.
Unless you mean cheap toasters that have a poorly implemented bagel option, rather than full separate control of all heating elements. But you didn't specify cheap toasters. A good toaster is pretty important, so don't buy it at wal-mart, and don't get a cheap one from a proper store either. A top of the line toaster is a pretty cheap luxury, spoil yourself in an affordable way.
I’ve only seen one toaster properly implement the bagel function properly, and it was $200. Every other toaster up to $130 that I’ve tried has failed miserably, often toasting the outside more than the inside. They all aim to “warm” the outside and end up toasting it at least a little.
So, unless I'm mistaking your meaning that's where I'd flip each bagel half 180 degrees before putting it in the toaster so the inside half faces the "more toasty" side of the toaster's heating elements...unless I'm completely misunderstanding you?
I tried that as well, but it didn’t work, I think the bagels were too thick to have it work properly. It just comes down to bad design, imho.
HolyfuckingshitthemostIwouldspendistwentydollarsonafuckingtoaster. inhale
A lot of those were in the break room at my job.