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this post was submitted on 20 Sep 2023
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Showerthoughts
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It's not that they're not "pre-sliced" it's that they're pre-sliced poorly. Either they're still connected in the middle and trying to cleanly pull them apart is frustratingly rare or they're sliced unevenly resulting in a 80/20 bagel experience. All too often it can be both.
First job was panera bread many moons ago. The bagel slicer is essentially a chute with a saw blade. Sometimes an oblong bagel would slice badly, or the blade would come loose, resulting in poor performance.
The technology exists, and certainly could be improved, but that costs money and god forbid innovation eat into profits 🥯
I once ate at a residence hall cafeteria where they had these fuckin bagel guillotines that you basically positiones your bagel in as if it was the head of a hapless French aristocrat and you could be all like vive le revolución and chop those fuckers. But they'd all seen so many bagels without sharpening that they required great strength to slice through a chewy bagel. In fact they probably slowed down the process.
The moral of the story is that bagels are hard to slice on a large scale.