Black cats are the best cats. Welcome to the club!

The best way to stop the cats from destroying furniture is to give them better targets for scratching. Make sure every room has a scratch pad or similar; if you find ones that the cat likes the problem will fix itself.

Don't discourage kneading behavior. Instead, keep blankets around so when the cat homes in on you for a lap and some kneading time you can just put a blanket under him to shield yourself from the claws. Over time he'll grow attached to some of the blankets and be content to just knead those on their own without sitting on you at all.

If you really want to help with these things buy a cat claw trimmer and learn to trim his claws every couple of weeks. Give him treats afterwards so he has a positive association with the process. If he fights it then swaddling him in blankets and just poking each leg out as you trim it helps a LOT. Like with all behaviors, starting this when he's a kitten will normalize it for him and make it way easier down the road.