As a white girl in a culinary wasteland, this hurts me on a level that my English ancestors can feel. My favourite food is plain unsalted potatoes, and yet this abomination is offensive to me.

I’m certain serving either of these would be considered a war crime. I’m actually confident if we offered these choices to insurgent armies as the only alternative to a truce, we’d have peace on earth.

What I’m saying is both of these crimes against pasta are soul-crushingly awful. Jesus wept.