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Does someone else has the feeling of bailing out before things "might" get better? (lemmy.ml)
submitted 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) by vis4valentine@lemmy.ml to c/relationship_advice@lemmy.world
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This feeling has stopped me for a while. I already made a post here a few days ago about my feelings about breaking up. I haven't done it yet because I'm waiting will we have at least a session with my psychologist.

The biggest feeling that keeps me doubting is that I may be ending things right before things get better.

I am more than welcomed to live at his house, he knows I'm trans and accepts me, he will be fixing his car, and he will get a new job, so he will be contributing to the finances instead of relying on my money as he has done since the start of our relationship, but I feel like even so I can't continue the relationship.

He had been physically abusive to me, he has confessed to me that yes, he is controlling and codependent, right now he is being sweet and his libido seems to have "come back" right after I told him I would break up with him, but he also told me that he would die without me, so now I'm feeling trap. I don't like it, I don't like feeling trap in a relationship just so he don't get depressed and die. Yes, he can give me some stability, but I still have my home with my mom and I might find that stability elsewhere. I feel like I don't need him anymore to be happy on my own. My feelings are changing, and also I for a long time thought wouldn't be able to find someone else, but a friend has confessed that likes me romantically. I won't cheat on him, they know that and comprehends my situation, but it made me realize I'm not unlovable. I'm also feeling sexy again on my own, in fact, I feel sexier than ever rn.

But I come back to the feelings of "What if I wait a bit and things get better?" while also reminding to myself that I already know what my boyfriend can do when he gets angry at me, just for doing things that I love to do. Even on this "love bombing" phase, he is still so controlling, I changed my phone's lock pin so he couldn't look at it and started interrogating me about it at 4 AM.

Has anyone had a similar feeling?

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[-] CarbonatedPastaSauce@lemmy.world 14 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

Not sure how many different ways you need to hear it (I read your last thread) but just get out. It will almost certainly not get better in the long run. Everything you post about this guy is straight out of the Domestic Abuser’s Handbook.

I grew up in an abusive household. Abusers don’t change. He’s being nice to you now, as soon as he feels ‘safe’ again the abuse will resume.

Good luck to you.

[-] vis4valentine@lemmy.ml 7 points 4 months ago

I guess I already know the answer but still need to process it. I think I still need measurement that I'm doing the right thing. Thank you. Yes I know I need to end things.

[-] CarbonatedPastaSauce@lemmy.world 4 points 4 months ago

You are. Take care of yourself. Be safe.

[-] otacon239@feddit.de 5 points 4 months ago

I’ve always seen it like this: Being single and content with yourself is always better than being in a relationship where they make you doubt yourself. And this is coming from being single for about 8 years now.

If the person you’re with makes you feel unsafe, they’re ultimately not benefiting you. It’s a trap you can find yourself in where you attach the happy moments to the present.

On top of all of this, anyone who demands access to your phone is just not someone I would trust. They assume you have something to hide because they have something to hide themselves.

this post was submitted on 02 Apr 2024
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