Unfun fact: most fledglings die within their first decade of unlife, and for Clan Tremere, the leading cause is suicide. I guess being forced to join an opressive, hypercompetitive, top-down, strict academic organization is hard to deal with, while you also have to deal with the grim realities of your vampire existence.

This is (kind of) what The Buddha said. Life isn't as much a problem to be solved as it is something to win freedom of, and one that you can't just kill your way out of due to cyclic rebirth.

can’t philosophically justify not committing suicide

Albert Camus would like to have a chat with you.

What if our best existence is to refuse things the way they are?

Srsly, read Camus.

But if you're hot as shit for eternity, you must either magically adapt over time, or are permanently the standard of attraction that is the driving force of evolution.

Suddenly every dating app says, "don't bother if you're over 5'8"

You literally can use your blood and experince to become hotter. Who fucking cares if you're a 1.5 metre tall goblin motherfucker if you've spent the last two centuries perfecting your Rizz, or if you can make yourself supernaturally sexy?