I've been there friend, and I've had being okay far away from myself for a long time. To answer your questions.

Why am I so weak?

No, you're not weak. Feeling weak is something everyone feels sometimes. It's okay.

What should I do?

Maybe you could reach out for help. Just because you're paying a professional to provide counseling or medical treatment doesn't invalidate the work that they and you are putting into yourself. I can't say what course is right for you.

Why am I here?

I wish I knew why any of us were here, but alas that's one of life's biggest mysteries. The best answer I've ever heard was "to embrace the absurdity of your own existence, and experience it."

Will I ever find love?

Keep looking, it takes time.

Is it all a lie?

Yes, but not the way I think you are thinking. The lie is the expectation that we should have all the things that make us happy now and all we need to do is follow the path set up for us. That's pure bullshit we're fed from the cradle to the grave. Following someone else's path means they've already used up the good stuff. Step off the path a little every now and again.

Problems are almost always temporary. Maybe not temporary as in "can be fixed tomorrow," but as in "can be fixed."

Determine what you want in life, and make a game plan to get from where you are to where you want to be.

In my life, I found the best thing was to find mentors who had achieved the things I wanted... Not one mentor who had everything, but different mentors for personal and professional life goals.

It's not always easy or quick, but you won't just magically wake up one day with the life you want. Make a plan, do the work... It's not a guarantee for a perfect life but the best way to get the life you want is to be intentional.

You'll find love

Play some Videogames!

What kind of change are we talking here? Cause there definitely needs to be some