SMS/MMS has really low file size limits, and iPhones may downscale a little more aggressively than required.

Just pick an internet based messaging service. I like Signal, but they all work.

Its due to compression of the video in order to fit on a MMS message, which is very small. Android uses RCS as a new message standard that can send bigger files but Apple has yet to add it to their OS. Its similar to how Apple uses iMessage to do the same, however this is not a standard and is locked to only apple devices.

Apple is supposedly adding support for RCS during the new iOS update but until then you can use a different messaging app to send better/larger files.

I recommend Signal as it is easy to sign up and start using while also being private.

So many people asking me to have my wife do something different on her end. Beloved, she is on iPhone because she doesn’t want to do anything “weird.”

Assuming using a third-party messaging app is "weird", then she can't send you video with acceptable quality. That's how it is.

She can't fix that. You can't fix that. None of the readers here can fix that unless they work at Apple. This may improve in the future when Apple adopts RCS, but there's a lot that real-world implementations of RCS do that isn't in the standard, so the full details of interoperability are uncertain until we see it in the wild.

Now, why can’t I get iMessage on my android phone?

Because Apple doesn't want you to. Apple wants situations like this one to pressure people to buy iPhones because that's apparently easier for some people than agreeing on a messaging app.

Anything over MMS gets compressed insane amounts.

It's because Apple has refused to adopt new messaging standards like RCS (not that Google is doing that much of a better job), but it's purposefully broken interoperability to force people into buying into product ecosystems (iPhone vs. Android) to make you stick with one and get stuck on it.

It's stupid anti-competitive and I freakin' hate it.

Literally doesn't have to be this way, it's a choice (mostly by Apple, but once again doesn't mean Google is better).

https://www.theverge.com/2024/6/15/24178470/apple-rcs-support-wwdc-announcement-android-imessage

Apple was largely forced to support RCS in response to the mounting pressure from global regulators and competing companies. That may help explain the somewhat disgruntled approach to announcing its rollout in iOS 18.

https://www.tomsguide.com/how-to-switch-on-rcs-messaging-in-ios-18

Here's a walkthrough to ensure RCS is enabled on your wife's iPhone, once iOS 18 drops in the next month or so.

The real reason: Apple intentionally doesn't support the open protocols that send pics and videos to non-Apple devices. These protocols are a decade old and work great. They use a proprietary protocol instead, which they will not share with other phone manufacturers.

What the average iPhone user thinks: Apple is better than Android!

It's pretty dumb.

You both use Signal, problem solved.

The answer is as others have stated appl not supporting the open standard RCS.

I will elaborate with apple are deliberately dragging their feet supporting standards as a deliberate attempt to put social pressure on you to buy an iphone.

an audience member asked Apple CEO Tim Cook for some tech support. “I can’t send my mom certain videos,” he said; she used an Android device, which means she can't access Apple’s iMessage. Cook’s now-infamous response: “Buy your mom an iPhone.”

The Apple Antitrust Case and the ‘Stigma’ of the Green Bubble

The solutions others have suggested of installing other messaging apps like signal will work but I will suggest another; Buy your wife an Android.

Why are you still using sms in 2024?....

Apple doesn't do RCS. This should be changing soon, but for now you should be using another messaging app, because everything you send is unencrypted and shittier quality

Apple isn't doing everything it can to optimize the quality of videos iPhones send or receive over MMS. Video quality between Android phones, even over MMS, is much better.

Sending multimedia via traditional text messaging uses the MMS service, which is ideal for very low resolution images, like sub megabyte, I didn't even know it could support videos! Wild.

I suggest you add her on something like Discord, or WhatsApp, LINE, whatever works for you, and send each other multimedia that way :-)

Also depending on your provider you may incur lower costs and faster load times, too.

You'll need a third party messaging app. Like Signal or WhatsApp.

signal is the way

Apple dragged their feet for years in implementing RCS.

Send the video over a messenger instead?

I think everyone has explained the how and why, but not any real solutions that don't involve using a completely different application. I don't have an iPhone in front of me, but with Android you can share as a link to Google Photos instead of sending the picture/video directly. I am pretty sure you can do something similar with iCloud. Have her try the share as iCloud link instead.

Update: I just tested it. I had them open up Photos, go to the image/video, tap the share button, and then if you scroll down a tiny bit there is a share as iCloud link. I was able to view it just fine on my Android phone.