I'm 40. I never got the memo about growing up. There was never an adult moment. When I was half my age, life had a lot more promise and that commonality drives a lot of the more balanced interactions. What you can't really understand at a much younger age is how alone and lonely the world becomes with age for most people. That hopeful promise fades, and with it goes purpose and hope. Dreams and intentions pass you by and mistakes haunt you. This drives many to a hedonistic place of connections with anyone that lets the person return to a carefree time of hopefulness or anywhere but this reality.

He likely lacks meaningful connections and turns to his only social outlet. If he has the depth, he needs a hobby or interest that helps him to connect with more stable people.

Let your dad sober up and then let him know how this makes you feel. Some people really need to hear how their choices can affect other people. If he's a reasonable person he will listen. If he's an alcoholic he might double down, but he won't know how you feel unless you tell him.

https://al-anon.org/al-anon-meetings/find-an-al-anon-meeting/

https://adultchildren.org/meeting-search/

Al Anon is not the same thing as Alcoholics Anonymous [AA] AA is for the drinker and Al Anon is support for the families dealing with the addict. They have online meetings and face to face. Al A Teen meetings are for younger folks.

Adult Children of Alcoholics is a smaller organization. It focuses more on the effects of being raised in a dysfunctional home.

Your dad might be addicted to alcohol, which means it's not necessary that anyone pushed him to drink that much. Addicts can easily lose control over their consumption. Not saying that this must be the case just wanted to throw the possibility out there

I have no idea if I'm in the right to be mad. I should be fully and only mad at my dad, but i'm mad at everyone involved because in my mind they let the situation develop

Oh absolutly you have the right to be pissed at them all. You're right to recognize that fundamentally your dad is responsible for his own actions, but it would be naive not to notice the toxic culture around binge drinking. Here he is just dropped on your lap needing care that he can't provide for himself. You are entirely correct to be frustrated at those who made it your problem. Including and especially him! I imagine you wouldn't care much if he drunkingly kept to himself, but instead he hurts your mother and makes his wellbeing your responsibility. I'm really sorry you gotta deal with this all. I would be pissed too. :(

How often does this happen? If it’s once a decade that seems OK, once a week, definitely not.

I can unfortunately understand this all too well as I'm in the somewhat same position:

Alcoholic abusive dad who treats others including family like shit

I fully believe that you are in the right to be mad.

As adults they should be able to either drink in moderation or keep company who would help them stop drinking once certain limits are reached.

After I drunk myself silly on Dec 2017 and made an embarassment out of myself I decided to stop drinking altogether as I didn't want to become like my dad. Seeing my family continue to devolve as my dad becomes a further hardcore alcoholic kills me inside as he's becoming more and more like an infant with no semblance of self control or rational thought.

It's quite infuriating to think that there are many others in the same position that I wish that only I had the unpleasant luck in experiencing.

My recommendation as someone who's in the same situtation is to run as soon as you're able to and never look back. I've tried to suggest to both my parents to seek counciling and additional alternatives for several years as the situation is continually depressing and is unsustainable. This has not changed and at this point, I'm changing my name, address, and phone number and cutting all ties once I can save enough money to rent anything.

I'd also recommend talking about your situation to any friends willing to hear you out as they'd be the most likely people to also help bail you out✊ if the situation becomes dire enough(I've seen how badly things can go enough to the point I was willing to go homeless).

For anyone reading this, please consider donating to my Liberapay, apologies for this shameless plug but I'm still in the toxic living conditions as I've just explained so any amount honestly would go a long way

OP, I feel ya. I have a family member that has a drinking problem. Thankfully he acknowledges it, and he'll go a couple of weeks sober. Then he'll fall off the wagon and get drunk.

It annoys me sooooo much. Like just don't fucking drink. It's not that hard. Just don't fucking do it!

Even tho I know addiction is different, it still annoys me. Like just fucking stop. And he wants to stop. He'll actually tear up thinking about how much he wants to stop. But then a couple of weeks later, he gets drunk and says he doesn't know why.

I know why. You wanted to get drunk. Just fucking stop.

So annoying.

I have no advice for you. Your rant just made me rant. :/