this post was submitted on 07 Apr 2025
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Microblog Memes

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[–] termaxima@jlai.lu 94 points 21 hours ago (2 children)

This is how you find out your profile’s bad.

I don’t know how applicable this is to this persons specifically, but here’s some general advice from someone who’s been on both sides (I’m trans), and got a high amount of matches either way.

Every woman I’ve spoken to about Tinder agrees :

  • Men overwhelmingly have profiles with little to no info in their bio (most often copy-pasted jokes, extremely generic facts like “I like food and music”…)

  • And poorly taken and/or cringe photos (posing with their car, half drunk with half a dozen other people, making a weird face, showing off nonexistent gains…)

If you want more matches, you need good pictures (not blurry, not from far away, not backlit) that stand out from the rest (especially, no one cares about your car. An expensive car is a huge douchebag redflag), and a bio that actually says something about your hobbies, world view, etc.

So, in summary, two steps :

  • Actually be an interesting person (probably already true, but hard to fix if not)
  • Communicate that properly (easier than you think, see above)
[–] i_dont_want_to@lemmy.blahaj.zone 29 points 20 hours ago (2 children)

It's been a minute, but it was an automatic "no" when someone would answer "what are 5 things you can't live without" were stuff like food, water, and air. Yes, I know that. Tell me about yourself!

It was almost always men that answered that way.

I know I'm incredibly dull. I'm average looking. I was a single parent. A decent picture and a little about myself and I did alright though, even with the ladies.

[–] jjjalljs@ttrpg.network 30 points 20 hours ago (4 children)

I have bad news: lots of non-men also post useless stuff like "I can't live without water lol" or "what are you looking for: my keys lmfao"

Having a good profile is a skill, probably related to marketing, and some people have neither natural aptitude nor training in it.

[–] i_dont_want_to@lemmy.blahaj.zone 13 points 20 hours ago (1 children)

Sure, people of every gender do it. I was, at the time, not filtering by gender. I noticed that the useless answers were usually from men.

It doesn't mean that men are inherently bad at it (some men had great profiles), but as a whole they presented themselves poorly compared to everyone else.

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[–] JoMiran@lemmy.ml 62 points 20 hours ago (1 children)

In 2014 I tried an experiment. I let my profile run for two months. First couple of weeks I used a standard headshot type picture. Nothing. Then I switched to a picture of me playing the guitar. A couple of hits. Finally I switched to a picture of me wearing headphones and fiddling with my old sequencer. Tons of hits.

If you can't hit them with good looks (I'm not handsome) then at least use an interesting photo that tells a story and showcases an unusual or unique thing about you in a positive light.

[–] shalafi@lemmy.world 24 points 20 hours ago* (last edited 20 hours ago) (4 children)

Bingo! Can't remember the pics I used, but I went for several different looks so women would know what they were getting into, not just my very best. That comes across honest, because it is.

Aimed for pics of me doing interesting and active things like kayaking and cooking and such. No dead animals, hot rods, motorcycles, bros, etc. No stereotypical manly bullshit.

Also, inject some humor. Like an old friend told me about sales, "If they're laughing, they're buying." On one post I ended with, "And as god as my witness, I hate NASCAR." Ended up married to a huge NASCAR fan.

Pro tip for the guys: Setup an account as a woman looking for a man. Take an afternoon and dig around. See what the other guys are doing? Do not do that shit.

[–] 5too@lemmy.world 6 points 15 hours ago* (last edited 15 hours ago)

My wife still remembers one of the profile pics I had - I was goofing around wearing a super-sized cereal box on my head.

Had that one, a "normal" shot that was my profile picture, and some casual shot I don't remember now. Put that one up on my sister's advice, and that's the one that still stands out in my wife's mind!

I swear humans use confidence and humor the same way peacocks use tails. If you're comfortable being silly, it says a lot about where you're at socially.

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[–] Darkard@lemmy.world 79 points 21 hours ago (1 children)

He must be doing something drastically wrong for not even the ThotBots to be matching with him.

[–] The_Picard_Maneuver@lemmy.world 41 points 21 hours ago (5 children)

the ThotBots

Are those the matches that only want to talk about World of Warcraft?

[–] cannedtuna@lemmy.world 24 points 21 hours ago

You say that like it’s a bad thing

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[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 37 points 22 hours ago (8 children)

I've gotten plenty of matches; but that's as far as I've ever gotten with Tinder. Nobody has ever messaged me or replied to my messages once we match. :/

[–] TTH4P@lemm.ee 33 points 22 hours ago

I'm not on tinder, so I can't match you. But I replied to your message! #solidarity

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[–] L0rdMathias@sh.itjust.works 22 points 21 hours ago (2 children)

It's almost as though this labyrinth has been designed to extract subscriptions from desparate men and women, and actually has no intention of delivering the promised service.

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[–] Xanthrax@lemmy.world 18 points 21 hours ago* (last edited 17 hours ago) (5 children)

One time, I used Tinder. I'm pan, so I chose men, women, or any other form of identity. My Asian friend is honestly a 10/10. I'm white, and I'd rate myself a 7. I'd match with EVERY single man. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. He got NO ONE. My main point is, it's a bunch older men who want to fuck a white twink. I don't know why that app has drawn that demographic, but they have. All that being said, using Grindr to just "hang out", with people was way nicer. Sorry if you're not a half gay, sloppy toppy. That's just my anecdotal experience.

[–] BarrelAgedBoredom@lemm.ee 3 points 14 hours ago (2 children)

Quick question, I'm also pan and only now beginning to explore my sexuality. I've avoided setting up a Grindr account because I always thought it was just a hookup app and I'm not particularly interested in casual sex. Do people actually date on there or is it's reputation well earned? Haven't had any luck with the fellas on tinder, hinge, or bumble. Maybe I just look too straight lol

[–] Xanthrax@lemmy.world 1 points 8 hours ago* (last edited 8 hours ago)

It's a lot more forward. Just tell people what you want up front. If you want to hook up, you want to hook up. Sometimes, you just want to be in the presence of a queer friend. Sometimes, that friendship turns into a 10-year relationship. Just be honest and safe. That's how I met my partner. All that being said, that was a long time ago for me. So things may have changed.

[–] meyotch@slrpnk.net 2 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

Grindr is a cesspool, but I have made some quality matches. Some just-friends connections and yes hookups. Grindr is basically designed for that.

But if you have a stand out profile that shows you as an active person with real interests (not just a fit torso, good god people, branch out!), other substantive people will be open to talking real connections.

And hookups can be sad, gross affairs for sure. But not every short-term relationship has to be meaningless. It’s okay to agree to just play and enjoy the experience as a future treasured memory.

For that more human kind of connection, however, Feeld is more likely to yield that in my experience.

[–] BarrelAgedBoredom@lemm.ee 2 points 10 hours ago (1 children)

Oh yeah, no hate to hookups and short term relationships at all, just not really my cup of tea. I'm not even completely against it for myself but that's something I would rather have happen organically than seek it out if that makes sense. I'm all about emotional connection before physical haha

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