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Inspirational credit to OpenStars@piefed.social for their Blazin' Bev snail reference, which reminded me of that weird meme from the bad place about an immortal snail whose touch meant instant death.
ST: First Contact
this post was submitted on 29 May 2025
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what makes you think that snail wasn't onboard?
I feel that with transporters, the whole thing falls apart.
"...so of the snail touches you then you die instantly. Any questions?
Obrien: Can we put the snail in pattern buffers?
"No"
"Then follow-up question: what do I do with the snails that I already put in the pattern buffer?"
M-M-M-Moopsy?
Oh dear. Once you pop... you cannot stop!
"Snail to Enterprise. One to beam up."
You mean makes the immortal snail hypothetical easier or harder? Because, on one hand, yeah the snail could potentially catch a ride on the beam but on the other hand you can travel almost literally anywhere in mere moments.
Its actually a trick question, because the instant you step onto the transporter pad and beam out you die, making the snails chase moot.
Beat the "immortal snail is chasing you forever by vaporizing your body into data and having a new clone of you made elsewhere" with this one weird trick.
But if you undo the curse like that doesn't it also undo the immortality part?
Of course, but you're already immortal in a TNG world. Transporters can easily modify your body to give you eternal youth, and of course cure any disease or injury. Just make sure your brainwaves/synapses are updated in near real time and refresh the rest of the body daily.
Why no one actually opts for it is beyond me.
(This, coming from the Picard golem)
It's all fun and games until you survive atomization and slowly reassemble yourself for centuries.
The real snails were the transporter deaths we met along the way.
If you subscribe to the idea that the transporter is a murder machine that kills the entity being transported only to reassemble a new one at the other end, would that mean that all you'd be doing is making more copies of the snail?
Brilliant idea!
"Ooops"
Is that Chuck McGill?
It is the same actor (Michael McKean) yes,. although the above image is from The Good Place, the bestest-er-est show ever.
Oh I'll be damned, now I want to watch it
It has it all.
Hot guys / moral philosophy professors
Hot girls / tasty treats
And despite all that, it managed to be a good show! 🤪
He's also the fear clown in Voyager
There's also the death slugs in The Expanse
Wait, I thought it was just one snail assassin. It's two?
You can't know which is the decoy snail
Transporter clone. Thank O'Brien for that one. (Really, it's just that it better fits the direct quote from Picard.)
Oh, got it. I thought the snail meme had mutated.
Snails have bones, right?
Asking for a Moopsy…