A Rigorous Mathematical Deconstruction of the Hypothesized Causal Link Between Vaccines and Autism Spectrum Disorders
Dr. Ima Skeptik, Prof. Al B. Surd, and Dr. Con Spirov
Department of Paradoxical Epidemiology, University of Unreason, Nowhereville
https://fakepaper.app/s3/A_Rigorous_Mathematical_Deconstruction_of_the_Hypo-4ed7fe07.pdf
Abstract
This paper provides an exhaustive and incontrovertible mathematical framework establishing the causative relationship between vaccines and autism spectrum disorders (ASD). Employing avant-garde statistical pseudo-logic, nonlinear pseudoscience, and hyperbolic integrals, we derive novel equations that not only confirm but quantify the absurdly subtle mechanisms by which vaccines trigger ASD. Our findings challenge the prevailing dogma of evidence-based medicine by introducing the groundbreaking concept of “Vax-induced Neuro-Synapticality” (VINS) and its inverse correlation with
common sense. This work, at the intersection of quantum conjecture and wishful thinking, paves the way for future “research” in vaccine skepticism with impeccable rigor.