Lesbians

I'm married to a straight woman... probably. I came out before marriage, and she didn't consider it to be a dealbreaker.

She was straight before, but now she doesn't know quite how to describe her sexuality beyond, "It doesn't matter, I've found my person."

Things are going well and she's very supportive!

As she puts it, "I married you not your dick."

Married 9 years, together 15. I came out at the end of 2022 and started transition right at the start of 2023. She was always Bi leaning but never in practice at the time, but heavily into fashion, some queer culture, and drag race. I was busy playing MMORPG’s and living there instead of irl, because, well….. I was able to present fem in games, obv.

When I first came out, it wasn’t a surprise to either of us really cause I’d been skirting around it the entire time we were together. I began as presenting a gender but not aligning with it, and people very close to me knew that. I already leaned more there since the beginning and we’d played with some clothing and sexual experiences, but I got in my own way of most euphoria because of how I was programmed as a child. Once I broke down my own mental barriers (and am still working through some) things have been great.

When I first came out…. It was hard. She still loved me, but was needing lots of time to process her own feelings and thoughts. She has higher anxiety to begin with and of course her mind took her on a bit of a journey. We both had fears that we’d end up divorcing, which was complicated as we had a child that just turned 2 before I came out and started, and we still kind of wanted a second child. It normally takes her a bit of time to process and be able to put words to her thoughts and feelings, but this took quite some time…. Months later, when we were both able to approach it together, we discussed fears.

It came down to fear of outsiders, where we live in Canada and family On her side more, she was born here but her family came here from Vietnam during war, my family was already a little broken and I didn’t have solid relationships with any of my family. (Spoiler, I got myself diagnosed while transitioning and of course I have AuDHD and it explains most of my childhood and family experience, atop being trans). We were able to approach it how we’d dealt with everything to this point, together. Discuss our thoughts and feelings about it, find common ground or a shared understanding, and plan for how to handle it.

I was worried about being left alone, but she was worried I’d change sexuality and leave her, resolved as I don’t even like speaking to Men and we were able to have a more in depth discussion about attraction and sex that we’d ever had before. Fear of breakup helps open up any remaining barriers when you’ve got everything to lose. How would our family deal with it and were we ready to handle it, her’s was a mystery but it happens that her Dad passed a few months prior (part of the egg cracking lol) and that meant the family might not be guided in a hyper misogynist as hard as it was before. My parents divorce when I was younger and I didn’t get along with my older sibling. I was at a point I’d been so frustrated with my family interactions I was ready to walk away from it all. I’ve built a better relationship with my Mom, cut off my Brother, and my Dad lives on the other side of the country and I rarely speak with him, which is meh as he’s not horrible but worked in trades his whole life and has unresolved childhood trauma sooo…….

We also had a friend of mine through mmo’s who’s partner started to transition a few years prior, and they ended in divorce and trying to raise their child while being some distance apart. That led to some fears for ourselves, but once we sat and broke it down we didn’t think that’d happen to us. Different people, different circumstances. Mainly, my friend is strictly cishet and their ex partner went fem, then enby I think?

After discussion, it took a bit of time to come around, but through all of that some key things were established. Her attraction to me won’t be greatly affected by transition and, well, she’s Bi and wanted to stick around and see where we end up, she was along for the ride.

It didn’t even take the whole year for us to adjust. It took 15 months for me to get access to HRT cause of course it would, and my dysphoria was too much to wait wait, soooooo I just went ahead and transitioned in reverse order from how I’d like. I’d gotten over all the hurdles of removing facial hair, wearing wigs, makeup, and wearing dresses and skirts in public, and transitioned completely at work. While that played out, our invisible distance shrunk. We got closer, and closer, and at this point we’re closer and more solid than we were for the entire relationship.

We also managed to conceive child #2 while I was still waiting for HRT and once I got it we had the kid a month later. I consider that a successful attempt and playing with loopholes in the system, then fighting god and doing my own character customization.

Thanks so much for your comments everyone <3

I'm feeling cautiously optimistic. But we'll take it one day at a time.

but any engagement is welcome :3

We see what you did there.

I realized I might be trans about two months ago, and I told my cis wife who previously thought she was bi, but at that point, I thought she was straight the next day. We spent about a week talking about it on and off while she helped me figure myself out and eventually came to the conclusion that I am. There were another few tear filled days while she was forced to reconsider her sexuality. We have been married for 3 years and together for 10 and are extremely close and in love, but we weren't sure if this would break us. She eventually decided she loves me regardless of if I'm a man or woman and has been helping me with how to girl since. Recently, she was talking to a friend of ours who is ace, and she realized she might be demi because she loves sex and life in general with me, who she has a deep connection with, but she was just there for the ride with anyone else she's slept with. Our outlook is good, I'm into women, especially her, and she's into me, so we'll see where things go.

Hey, cis (bi) wife to a trans woman here, I can comment a little bit. I always was out as bi (leaning towards women) in my relationship, so that was pretty chill for both of us. My wife didn't know exactly where she was going to end up sexuality wise, but has settled into bi as well. It's a little scary to shake things up in a long-standing relationship that way! My wife and I are doing great, but I definitely have had friends in a similar situation get divorced, even when the non-transitioning partner is bi or pan. Good communication is important, so I would encourage regular check ins, even about the sensitive stuff.

My (ex-)wife came out as bi after I had been on hrt for a few months. Sadly it didn’t work out but that was for reasons not directly related to my transition.