I transitioned to ftm over ten years ago and I thought I was done with the gender stuff. I transitioned really well, I look like a cis-bear, and I have a beard that other guys get envious over. Socially and emotionally tho? Something was wrong.

I thought I was done but the more I tried fitting into that role, the worse I felt. I was taking the doctors suggested amount of testosterone, I looked passing, but I just wasn't fitting in. I felt more like myself, and at the same time I feel like I lost something. Like my ability to read a room and to have creative flexibility. I started feeling clogged. Like parts of me were shut behind a barrier.

Then, thanks to "cool healthcare" I lost access to my testosterone temporarily. It was obnoxious at first, but after a few days I started feeling great. More relaxed, more creative, more open to other people. More like- myself???? Uh oh.

Then it hit me- I've been stuck in dysphoria for ages. I just didn't notice because the dysphoria prior to T was so much worse. I still see myself as a man, but I want to be a funny little guy and not a beef boy.

Anyone else have an experience like this?