this post was submitted on 11 Feb 2026
51 points (100.0% liked)

Asklemmy

53015 readers
383 users here now

A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions

Search asklemmy πŸ”

If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!

  1. Open-ended question
  2. Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
  3. Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
  4. Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
  5. An actual topic of discussion

Looking for support?

Looking for a community?

~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~

founded 6 years ago
MODERATORS
 

One of mines:

All the kids had a name, all except

top 26 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] ThatWeirdGuy1001@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

A guy walks into a bar. "Ow!"

[–] eldavi@lemmy.ml 1 points 1 day ago

two guys are walking outside and one of them says look at all the bird crap and the other looks up and asks "where?" lol

[–] rmuk@feddit.uk 2 points 1 day ago

Why was 7 afraid of 8? Because 7, 8, 9.

But why? Because you're supposed to get 3Β² meals.

[–] m532@lemmy.ml 9 points 1 day ago

What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are Wanted.

[–] GiorgioPerlasca@lemmy.ml 1 points 1 day ago

Former Socialist country man speaking: Β«everything they told us about Socialism was a lie, but everything they told us about Capitalism was trueΒ»

[–] CyberMonkey403@lemmy.ml 7 points 1 day ago

I couldn't get my wife's attention the other day. So I sat down, got comfortable.

That did the trick.

[–] SkellyMonstera@lemmy.ml 10 points 2 days ago

My wife threw a bottle of omega-3 capsules at my head. It's okay, I only sustained super-fish-oil injuries.

[–] Infrapink@thebrainbin.org 9 points 2 days ago

What do you get if you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber?

PunchlineNothing. You can't cross a vector with a scaler

[–] nikosey@lemmy.world 4 points 1 day ago

time flies like an arrow. fruit flies like a banana.

why did the little old lady fall into the well? she couldn't see that well.

[–] onlooker@lemmy.ml 9 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Yo mama so fat, when she fell in love, she broke it.

[–] eldavi@lemmy.ml 3 points 2 days ago (1 children)

your mama so fat, her blood type is ragu. lol

[–] crawancon@piefed.social 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

mama so fat Thannos had to snap twice!

[–] crawancon@piefed.social 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)

yo mama is so fat she outweighs the needs of the many.

[–] eldavi@lemmy.ml 1 points 1 day ago

your mama is so fat, when she hauls ass, she has to make 2 trips. lol

[–] Foxfire@pawb.social 16 points 3 days ago

As someone who loves puns and other dad joke type humor, puns feel very much situational and a part of improv. They're great in the moment when you quickly think of something that gets the crowd groaning, but I can't just dig them up with no buildup and get that same feeling.

For example, I could tell you ten random puns without context to try and make you laugh, but more than likely, "no pun in ten did."

[–] snappy90@feddit.uk 17 points 3 days ago (2 children)

What do you get if you drop a piano down a mine shaft.

A flat minor

[–] ReCursing@feddit.uk 11 points 3 days ago

What do you get if you fling a piano intro an army camp?

A Flat Major

[–] davel@lemmy.ml 1 points 3 days ago

This would be even more effective as a dead baby joke.

[–] UltraGiGaGigantic@lemmy.ml 3 points 2 days ago

The United States of America

[–] ryathal@sh.itjust.works 10 points 2 days ago

I see said the blind man, as he picked up the hammer and saw.

im on a seafood diet

i see food, and if its a fish i eat it

[–] Monster96@lemmy.world 5 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

Does music ever make you wonder? It certainly made Stevie Wonder

[–] ieatpwns@lemmy.world 4 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (1 children)

I don’t get your joke and it’s hurting my brain

Nevermind got it. All the children loves poetry except Tina she can’t rhyme

All the children crossed the river except Kim she couldnt swim

[–] MrShankles@reddthat.com 2 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

I'm still struggling. Was OP's joke an unfinished "type of joke"?

Like saying, 'I enjoy "you're momma so fat" jokes'?

Edit: ohhhhhh... as soon as I commented, I read the joke again and got it.

For anyone else struggling, the only kid that doesn't have a name, literally has no name to write out

[–] tomiant@piefed.social 1 points 3 days ago

Something about a man fucking goats.

[–] greenbelt@lemy.lol -1 points 2 days ago

Joke: Epstein killed himself. (Sorry I am terminally online)