It sounds like you aren't happy so that should be all you really need to know. You're not getting what you want out of the situation. Remove whatever pieces are the problem is what I would suggest. This sounds like a mess honestly. No offense intended if this is the type of situation that you want. Sounds way too complicated and emotionally stressful for an old person like myself.
this post was submitted on 29 Mar 2026
2 points (60.0% liked)
Relationship Advice
3825 readers
25 users here now
Welcome to the Relationship Advice community on Lemmy and Kbin!
The ideal place to ask for help with your relationships: romantic, friendships, we don't know what we are yet, co-workers or just human interactions in general.
Please make sure you read our rules before posting.
Rules:
Rules can be clicked on to be expanded.
1: Treat all users with respect. [!]
The goal of this community is helping OP and readers, not making fun of them. We are an inclusive community, any sort of disrespect towards ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, etc, will not be tolerated.
2: Mark sexual content as NSFW. [!]
Posts containing mentions or descriptions of sexual topics must be tagged as NSFW. This includes descriptions of sexual acts, requests for advice in the bedroom, explicit descriptions of your body and similar content.
3: All posts must be a request for advice.
All posts must be phrased as a request for advice or as a question. Sharing of stories, personal anecdotes, or past mistakes are only allowed if they're followed by a clear and relevant request for advice with the situation.
4: Provide sufficient and relevant information.
Your title and body need to contain enough information relevant to your situation, such as ages, genders, and the relationship between people mentioned. For privacy-related concerns, we recommend using fake names and broad general locations.
5: Comments must be on topic and relevant to OP.
Comments must be directly related to helping OP, asking for more information, providing relevant resources or otherwise relevant to the thread. Off-topic comments and remarks, suspicious attempts at gathering personal data from OP or other readers, or bullying will not be tolerated.
6: This is a community for requesting advice, not moral judgement.
Moral judgements, "AITA?" and other similar questions are better served by different communities.
Reddit reposts are allowed.
As a temporary measure and the result of a poll, Reddit reposts are allowed following an expanded set of rules: https://lemmy.world/post/317115
How are rules enforced and bans applied?
For the most part, this community operates under the assumption that users are acting in good faith and should be given second-chances for their mistakes. Posts and comments with very light rule violations, or otherwise undesired but mostly harmless content, can be removed by a moderator on a case by case basis without any further punitive actions.
For violations of our rules, we follow a “3 strike” system as follows:
-
1st violation: 72 hours ban + moderator warning via PMs.
-
2nd violation: 1 week ~ 1 month ban + final warning via PMs.
-
3rd violation: 1 month ~ permanent ban.
The goal of this system is making sure users are made aware of their behavior before being permanently banned, but also protecting the community from any rule violations.
Exceptions:
While the “3 strike” system will be applied to the majority of situations, rules marked with a [!] in the sidebar signifies a rule that, if violated in an intentional, malicious or significant way, can warrant an immediate permanent ban regardless of the number of previous violations. This includes severe disrespect to users or groups, dangerous content, and similar.
Related communities:
-
Adulting: !adulting@lemmy.world
-
No Stupid Questions: !nostupidquestions@lemmy.world
-
Mental Health !mentalhealth@lemmy.world
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
Thanks, it's just poly stuff that's more common with young people. It would've been fine if he spent at least a bit more time with me and responded to my texts like he did when we were just friends but oh well.
The lack of attention is something I have seen mentioned in a lot of poly conversations. Seems like someone is always getting neglected because there's just too much division of time. I wish you the best and remember that your wants and needs are important in any relationship you get into.
Yeahhh, some people have made it work, others not. I just wish he'd pay more attention to me at least a bit, but later I feel bad because he says he's either depressed or too busy or he's spending time with Dave. He's entirely devoted to that man.
Sounds like he's not made you a priority and that his priorities are clear. You're young so best to move forward and find what you need.
Thanks. I will probably break up if he doesn't stop, but then he kisses me and acts attentive when he sees me (barely)
That's a trap/cycle that is easy to fall into. It sounds like you're aware though. If you need both the virtual when you are apart and the physical when you are together, be absolutely clear in that to him. If he can't do both, then it's time to move on. Sounds like you have one supportive and attentive partner regardless of what happens with the one that doesn't respond to you.
Yeah, you're right. I will try to tell him again if he listens and tell him the full thing on how I feel but I'm afraid he'll be angry at me. My friend is convinced he's perfect for me and that he absolutely loves me (she's an eternal optimist)
Is your friend that thinks he's perfect for you involved in any other way? Is she witness to your interactions? You're welcome to message me to continue the conversation if you'd like. Or not, just giving the option if you don't want to put additional information publicly.
Hmm, not really, she just knows from what I've mentioned.
Seems odd that she would have strong positive opinions if you aren't having a positive experience. Why are you afraid that he'll be angry?
Yeah, she’s just very optimistic. She’s younger than me, she just turned 18. Also, IDK i’m just afraid he’s gonna snap due to having too much on his mind/plate and his depression
I think that's a really solid reason to get away from him if you're actually afraid of him or what he might do if something upsets him. That's not even close to a healthy relationship. Based on that, I think I'd change my recommendation to be just end things ASAP.
No. I’m sorry to be like every Redditor when I’m not on Reddit but if he’s not meeting your needs, you should probably break up. He can clearly only handle one partner :(
Sounds like Will is either waiting for you to "take the hint" and move on so he doesn't have to be the one to end it or wants to keep you around as a backup in case things don't work out with Dave. Whatever his intentions, he is clearly not prioritizing your relationship, which begs the question do you really want to be with someone who doesn't consider you to be a priority in his life?
You're right. He always says I help him though and that I'm a good girlfriend, so IDK. Maybe I am just a backup to him. I'm very afraid of making him sadder/angry though, I wish I wasn't.
And I also realize that not everyone's on their phone at every minute, but on the other hand, he barely responds, so he'll leave me on read and not respond every day for hours.
All of the posts sound like a lot of emotional drama. Dave is depressed and doesn't answer Will's advances. Now Will is depressed and doesn't answer your texts... Maybe make sure you're now not the next person in line to continue that trend and neglect your connection to Aiko.
You're right, I'll make sure I don't. However, I must say he's been doing this even when Dave would answer his advances and spend time with him, he's just very emotionally invested in Will yet not me.