Oof yeah, the work environment sounds rough. The industry I’m in overlaps a lot with queer, and neurodivergent folk, which helps set the tone of a lot of interactions for sure.

I really relate to the being “one of the more engaging folks”. I’m very good at being interested in new information, which often translates to people talking to me when they should be talking to the whole group. That is super draining because once it’s started I feel a bit of a responsibility to maintain that so the person giving instruction doesn’t get thrown off.

The part about first impressions is interesting to me. I feel like people that are that quick to write someone off aren’t really people I would personally want to hang out with. Obviously in a work environment that is tough because you’re around them no matter what, but yeah, seems like those people aren’t very accepting or accommodating.

Have you considered talking to your employer about potential accommodations? I read an article recently about a bunch of adults that finally brought their diagnoses up to their bosses and it actually went really well.

Thanks for the kind words at the end of your reply. Keep on keeping on!

I was about to say something similar. Like I started wearing some “women’s” underwear and running shorts even before I realized I wasn’t a guy. Obviously for people that aren’t trying to hide things I wouldn’t necessarily recommend it, but some of the underwear I have now is just better than tons men’s underwear I wore pre-transition. Just materials, and seam placement, and color options, all of it. You can still find boxers and everything. It’s kind of just better.

Some of what I’ll say has probably been said, but here are some of my thoughts.

I really struggle with small talk. Like I would rather sit in silence than exchange useless thoughts/information, so a lot of the “standard” ways society makes conversation just really pain me, even as just a start for more interesting conversations.

I’ve remedied this in a few ways. The first, as others have mentioned, try to find something about the person you take interest with. Getting into fashion has proven to be a wonderful tool for this for me. It’s very easy to find an item in someone’s outfit I like. If it’s an interesting piece of clothing or jewelry it probably has a fun story behind it. So much of the clothing that actually gets sold these days is really bland I feel, just overpriced basics. Many actually neat pieces are vintage or at least second hand, and often come with stories of where they were from or how they came into someone’s possession.

I’m not saying become a fashion girlie, but a lot of people carry indicators of their interests in some way. Stickers on water bottles or pins on bags. I love seeing someone with a sticker from the same fandom as me, or a pride pin. Even if it’s just a “hey I like your pin”. Getting in the habit of stuff like that will just help you approach people, and make you more approachable.

Another thing I’ve started doing more is smiling at people. This was something I had to get used to as I started passing more, but most people that were not socialized as men often smile at one another in passing. Even just actually looking at people. Like I don’t feel as weird observing things I find interesting, because worst case if someone notices me looking at them or something, I’ll just smile. Show some joy, people will often join. I feel like there was this period where I assumed I was “smiling wrong” and just looking like a creep, but idk, I’m just smiling in the way that feels genuine to me, and most people seems to get it. From there if more interaction happens then I got back to my first point.

Between these two things I think I’ve just become a more socially accessible person. I’m good at being interested in things, I had to get better at noticing things I can take interest in.

Finally, it is tiring. Make sure to take care of yourself. If your social battery is empty, don’t be social!! As I’ve lived more of my truth, with both my autism and my transition, I’ve naturally fallen in with people that are also very accessible and accommodating. If I need to have a non-verbal night with friends they won’t question that and in fact we all know enough sign language to make that very doable.

You’ll start meeting people that you mesh with!! It is absolutely tough putting yourself out there, and you’re clearly putting lots of thought and effort into this. Keep going!

Unrelated, but we have a near identical feed

I took degoogling as an opportunity to review and purge a lot of accounts and actually hold myself to going through the GDPR data removal requests and all that. I refreshed passwords and emails of accounts I actually wanted to keep, and pretty much ditched the rest. If the account never made it into my password manager in the first place it clearly wasn’t very important, so it can bounce around cyberspace forever I guess.

If I had a nickel for every time I went through puberty, I’d have 2 nickels. That’s not much, buts it’s interesting it happened twice.

In rock climbing we use “Gumby” no clue why.

EDIT: I’d like to clarify I agree about the gatekeeping this reinforces and this really doesn’t get used often, and if anything it sees more use among friends for silly reasons, like missing a Velcro on a shoe or something. Like I said I don’t know the origin because I don’t really engage with the “joke” that much.

Ha!! You’ve triggered my trap card. Now, I turn Special Interest face up and it uses its ability Info Dump.

Bad jokes aside, I’ve done a good bit of research and fiddling in my own time to try and put together a more digestible guide to some privacy and infosec basics. I’ve got somewhat of a background in tech/computers, but I’m coming to the issue as more of a layperson than a lot of the talking heads are. My express goal has been to demystify digital security in order to make those tools more accessible, particularly to overly surveilled minorities. I’m going to shamelessly plug my own website with my writings on the topic, but I’ll also give a condensed version here.

Basically I went through each service I used that was any of the following:

• a paid service
• a “free” service requiring an account to use it
• a service owned by any of the large tech corps

And then researched how to replace them with privacy respecting alternatives. Here’s what I’m using to replace the core functionality you’d expect from, say, the google suite. Gmail, drive, passwords, ect.

Let’s start with email as it needs a little discussion with it. First and foremost, if a service is “free”, you are the product. Just having you signed up for Gmail is making google enough money to offer you the service for free. Between scanning emails to train AI and selling your personal info to advertisers, google is making all of the profit it needs to operate Gmail “for free”. With this in mind I strongly, strongly, encourage you to PAY FOR EMAIL. Hell, just in general try to form a new found appreciation for well made, paid software. I realize not everyone is in a position to pay monthly for something like email, but this way I know the company is making all they money they need to from actual paying customers.

I personally use Fastmail, but Proton also has a pretty good reputation and offers some other products with it.

“Cloud storage” also needs a bit of a breakdown. In my opinion there is no such thing as a “private cloud” that isn’t entirely self hosted. If a company is offering you a “private cloud storage” option, free or otherwise, you have to remember that you are putting your data on their computer. That data is theirs now. There’s a hard drive somewhere in a data center with your data on it a government agent could go take. Or the company itself is just doing whatever they want with your files. That is not private, at least not relative to you. I suppose it’s probably private between you and the company, but who is to say where bits and pieces of your data are being sold.

My solution isn’t really a cloud in the usual sense. I use Syncthing, which just keeps files in sync across devices, it does not provide a lump storage solution to offload data from your devices. All files are present and take up space on each device they are synced between. I personally prefer this, but I realize the functionality is different. If you really need to free up space on say a phone, you can set up things like one way sync, but I would look into NextCloud if you have a computer you can set up as a small home server.

Everything else I can kind of zoom through.

For passwords I suggest KeePassXC with the password database shared across devices with Syncthing. I personally use a command line based tool called UNIX Pass, but I’m not sure I’d suggest it to everyone.

Messaging is in a bit of an odd place right now, and basically if you seriously need secure messaging assume any “app” or even remotely mainstream messaging platform is insecure compared to the truly best options, but adoption is a big issue here. You could pick the best, most secure messenger, but that’s not helpful when none of your contacts use that service. Signal, Telegram, Matrix ect. are all pretty decent and have different perks, but if you’re seriously concerned you should be looking into different tools and protocols entirely.

Finally, get a VPN. This is another example where you should expect to pay a few dollars a month for this, else you’re probably just feeding data to a honeypot. Mullvad is basically the standard at the moment, but I also keep a Proton VPN account active as I’ve found the speeds to be much better for gaming and such. I’ve got a Mullvad account I keep handy for special occasions. Much beyond that and Tor becomes necessary.

Even just a good ad blocker, Ublock Origin, can go a long way.

I think those are some of my go to starting points, I go into much more depth on a lot of this and more in the link below.

Arkhive Digital Footprint Post/

30 is hurtling at me like a train, so may as well say my bit while I still qualify.

Learn to swallow your ego, and pride, and “seniority”. There’s plenty of people younger than you that are wildly intelligent and truly want to make the world a better place. Let those people take up space. Let young organizers spread their wings. Put your desires to be important aside and help empower the next generation. Feeling valued by the broader society and being allowed to be important can help young people participate and learn to socialize, especially with some of their formative years being ravaged by social media and Covid.

Also some other language like “woman attracted to other men” just shows you aren’t conceptualizing this person as a woman. Like grammatical parallelism be damned. She was a woman attracted to men. That’s it.

I’m in this picture, and it’s the vertical line dividing them. Slowing getting my life in order has been feeling great!!

Okay, lots of other comments I didn’t read, and this might have been mentioned.

👏Syncthing👏

You mentioned OneDrive. I also jumped around storage solutions as I explored the FOSS world, and nothing hold a candle to Syncthing (in my opinion, but I want/need to try nextCloud). I won’t drone on about it, but if you’re looking to ditch another big data company that’s probably scraping your files, check out Syncthing