So she's bi, and probably she/they agender.

On the sexuality side, she thinks that homosexuality is immoral because certain Bible verses seem to condemn it (she would word that much more strongly), so she'd be much happier if I was content to transition to he/they feminine man. I, on the other hand, would love to jump straight from hiding behind my he/him masc to living she/her full time, the transition itself and being visibly trans scares me.

On the gender side, she feels that her soul isn't gendered, that she'd feel equally at home in a male body, and feels that if I'm a woman because I feel like a woman, she can't be a woman because her genderless soul happened to be poured into a woman. I told her she's allowed to be a woman for different reasons than I'm a woman, and she didn't like that. I told her I would happily use they/them pronouns and had no issues perceiving her as genderless, but she didn't want that, either.

So yeah we are cracking all this open and we pick up one tiny piece of this mess and chew on it and discuss it for like a week, decide we can't agree, put it back down and try a different piece.

We are seeing a therapist next month, but Christian therapists who specialize in gender issues are really really rare, so it's a one time consultation instead of someone we can go back to.

I just finished coming out this week to everyone who matters, personally and face to face, so I feel like I'm in a good place to go through this list

So to start I'd rate myself a 2 because of some internalized transphobia/homophobia from my conservative Christian upbringing.

My wife is a 3, she sees and loves the real me and is incredibly supportive up to a point and then not supportive at all. She's taken me shopping and helped me pick a purse, takes time out of her busy life to help me with laser hair removal in places I can't reach, is teaching me girl things like what to do with my long hair and painted nails... But then she won't call me by my chosen name and pronouns. I haven't asked her to, because she thinks she'd be lying to me. We are working on it, we're going to make it work.

My siblings and parents (and in-laws) range from a 1 to a 5, from Bible thumping to complete affirmation.

My gay friends are all a 1, but they don't understand that I'm still a Christian and hate that part of me.

I think "accepting as Trans/accepting as Christian" is the same scale, inverted. Those who accept my transness don't accept my Christianity, and vice versa.

Trying to convince both sides of this culture war that reconciliation is possible and good and right, and that I, the Transbian Christian, should be allowed to exist in both camps at once... It's exhausting. Why must existing itself be so hard.

I dream of a world in which this civil rights movement has been won, and people on both sides (and in the middle) look back at us today and say "what a bunch of bigots we all were"

When I was a kid my first puppy love crush was on a Sunday school teacher named Amber. And the name stuck with me. I met a second Amber in highschool and she was pure gender envy. I've used it online for my "pretend I'm a girl online" name many times, and if I had daughters instead of sons there's a possibility one of them would have ended up with the name. But a couple people have started calling me Amber to my face and it's the best thing ever.

I was going to come out during the super bowl party my sister was holding, because a quorum of my family was going to be there. Next opportunity is an Easter party my sister is holding, which is in one week from today. So I'm excited/nervous/trying to figure out what I'm going to say.

Hi Amber! Always fun seeing another Amber in the wild, I wish you the best of luck!

It's a Superb Owl Party. This Sunday at 6:30 PM Eastern time. Eating wings and cheering for the red team.

My wife and I are going to make it, I wasn't expecting to get to transition ever, so her being ok with me going all the way to femboy is a great start and huge strides in a new direction. We are talking through this like adults, we love each other, and we are determined to make this work.

Thanks for the affirmation, most people seem to think that LGBT and Christianity should be at war with each other, so being both is a whole different challenge.

Legally, haven't started. Not super important to me, it's pretty far down the dysphoria tier list.

Physically, (I know you didn't ask but I care) I realized that body hair and balding were the main triggers for my dysphoria, so after talking to my wife about it, I got a prescription for finastride and a laser hair removal thingy. Using those the last week or so has been super gender affirming (and itchy).

Emotionally, this has been really hard on my wife. She doesn't perform gender, and the only connection she feels to her gender is her sex, so she feels that her womanhood is threatened by me fully coming out. If I am a woman because I feel like a woman, then what does that make her, when she doesn't have a specific attachment to her gender? The newest compromise is that I can be as fem as I want, but I'm still her husband, not her wife. I'm trying to tell her that if she wants to be a woman, even in a "don't let go of what I have" way, that's totally valid, but if she just drops the gender completely and goes they/them or xe/xer, that's also totally valid. We are going to make this work somehow.

Socially, my sister is throwing a little superb owl party this weekend, so most of my family (and no one else) will be at this party, so it's time to rip the 30 year old bandaid off and come out. Since I'm still in negotiations with the wife, it'll be phrased "struggling with gender dysphoria and being more fem helps so much" instead of a full "My name is Amber, please refer to me with she/her pronouns." I'm expecting a lot of acceptance and questions.

Spiritually (I know you didn't ask but I care) I found a verse that is very specifically trans affirming. No idea how I missed it every time I read Isaiah. ‭‭"For thus says the Lord: “To the eunuchs who keep My Sabbaths, And choose what pleases Me, And hold fast My covenant, Even to them I will give in My house And within My walls a place and a name Better than that of sons and daughters; I will give them an everlasting name That shall not be cut off." Isaiah‬ ‭56:4‭-‬5‬ ‭NKJV‬‬. I've been trying to find a way to reconcile my faith with my gender identity forever, so reframing eunuchs as trans people and then doing a study has brought me much peace. My wife is still struggling to reconcile being bi with her faith. She didn't have to worry about it as she could just marry a guy and ignore the bi, but she did the most bi thing possible and married a closeted transfem, so now she has to confront it. It's a process, we'll see where we end up.

Sorry this is long winded, but your question gave me the framework needed to actually put everything down into words, so thank you for that.

How did it go?

I wouldn't feel guilty about not caring about a high-profile death. People you've never heard of die every minute, and we aren't equipped with enough empathy to care about them all.

I'm... hanging in there. The overlap between the Christian and Trans communities is nearly non-existent, and both are blaming the other for all the world's problems, so being both is really fucking hard right now. My pastor just recently went out of his way to make sure we understood that LGBT=bad and I feel like I should complain but don't know how to do so without outing myself. I wish I could transition without losing everyone I know and love, and have found myself passively pushing away from old relationships. I've been looking into other churches but finding a place that is actually accepting and actually teaches the Bible feels just as impossible as transitioning right now.

Closeted transbian, so: very gay, but currently in a straight-passing relationship. My girlfriend is bi, so maybe one day we can be gay instead of pretending to be straight.